Still I Will Sing To You

BELIEF

2011-12-21T12:41:00.000+08:00

Behind everything that we do on the outside, is the reasons/belief of who we are on the inside.

Our belief, shapes our behaviour.

What we believe ourselves to be, will eventually shape how we respond to situations and conversations. If I believe the bad things that's been said about me, the outcome would be, me behaving in such an unworthy manner. Living my life feeling worthless and useless. Daily striving to make changes to my behaviour so that I won't look like I'm useless, timid, afraid, and/or a loser.

Our belief system carries so much weight in how we live our lives. I couldn't understand it until I made a conscious effort to lookout for reasons to "why do I do the things I do". It turns out that there is a certain part of me that believes that I am like 'this' which exhibit 'this' particular behaviour.

So then I ask myself a few questions like "how do I know who am I and what am I suppose to believe?"

Being a believer & a disciple of Jesus Christ, I can't help but to look for answers in the Word of God. So here's the deal:

Colossians 1:22,23 (NIV)

"But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant."

So Paul is saying, what Christ has done on the cross has reconciled us to God and now, we are presented holy, blameless and without a fault IF, we continue in our firm faith and hope in Jesus Christ. Now I know, beyond what I may think, but what the Word of God says of who I am. Not because of what I've done, but because of what He did for me, on the cross in the person of Jesus Christ.

Romans 7:25 - 8:17

"Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed youfrom the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering."

It's actually quite self-explanatory.

I want to point out a few parts which specifically spoken to me.

"But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)

The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God."

Now then, what excuse do I have? Christ has showed me the way, the truth and the life. Can I believe this? If I truly believe what is said in Colossians and Romans, how then should I live my life? This has shaped my belief the past few weeks since I came back from Vietnam. I am still struggling with choosing to live up to my position of sonship through Christ or to yield to my sinful nature. I don't think I'll ever stop struggling with this until the day I meet with God face to face.

But for now, I would like to depend on the Holy Spirit to lead me and remind me of who God says I am, through Pauls message.

Journaling the Journey

2011-12-20T19:50:00.000+08:00

Back to Blogging.

So lets revive this site. Not because I've got nothing better to do.
But I find that writing down my thoughts has enabled me to digest things better.
It's also a healthy way to talk to myself/God. Helps express myself better.

Way with words

I think I generally type more sense than I speak. (Well, people may differ on this observation)
I'm learning to speak and communicate better daily. It's a stretch!
Especially coz I'm not used to speaking well and being coherent.

So that's my small journey at the moment which is:
1. To be conscious of the words I speak
2. To exhibit the fruit of the Spirit especially self-control
3. To pen down my thoughts.

Here comes the sun dudu du du.

Cambodia 2009

2009-02-21T15:01:00.003+08:00

Hello from Cambodia (while I'm still here).

The month has gone by pretty fast. I left on the 28th of January and leaving here on the 26th of February and now's the 21st already.

We touched down Phnom Penh where we (See Lian, Keane, Desmond, Jessica, Christine and myself) stayed at Steve Hyde's place which look like a palace full of Mahogany goodness. Not to mention the hospitality and kindness they showed us when we're there. He brought us to his office to show us quite abit of their bible translation programs and workers there. After 2 days, we left for Kratie which is pronounce as (Cra-che) on a bus.

We stayed at the centre where all the kids are with ps. Saret and wife (Tida). There we met Dan and Heidi (the two American's who came along with another girl Elizabeth as soon as Reuben and I left). Elizabeth went back to the States while Dan and Heidi stayed back to teach the children English and Typing. The centre is very beautiful compared to the rest of Kratie. The children planted lots of vegetable in the centre along with Dan and Heidi so we get our very own freshly grown vegetables some times.

I was so pleased and excited to see the kids fervently worshipping God with all their hearts. They certainly improved so much that I ended up teaching them what I taught myself 3 years ago (the last time I came with Reuben) and am still learning now in Cambodia. We bought a guitar from Phnom Penh to be given to the centre for the kids too. It can be quite tiring teaching the same lesson over and over again because I have to conduct a few classes as the kids are not all around at once but thank God for Heidi as she knew Khemai and some guitar too and was able to assist in the teaching and eventually, teach the kids herself. She bore the burden of teaching the kids more as she has to interpret and explain further.

Speaking about interpreting, the kids know a fair ammount of English already, thanks to Heidi and Dan for teaching them and just being around. They took lessons to learn Khemai starting from kindergarden Khemai books. Their love and grace enabled them to have the patience and love for the kids and the nation of Cambodia to learn their language, eat their food and sleep on mats.

Heidi bought a violin and it's a good one for 50 Dollars including the case. Really tempting me to get one myself. I might get one if I find a good one in Phnom Penh which I will be going on Tuesday 24th. I think there may be room for worship in music in church to incorporate the violin. Hmmmm.... I guess I can explore for 50 dollars.

Now, I can't wait to get back to the comforts of Malaysia. I would really miss the dryness in Cambodia. Although it's really hot now, and I get all sweaty at night and sleeping while you're sweaty isn't exactly the best thing in the world. But when it's cool and cold during the month of January, it's so cold and niceee... Something equivalent to Fraser's Hill.

Anyway, this is for you Michelle. LOL~~!! I just saw your comment on my previous post and thought, yeah, why not write about the experience here. So here it is. The kids can play drums, bass, acoustic guitar, some electric guitar, and some keyboard. They can play Santana's songs!

I made a kid cry. LOL~! I love him so much. He's 17 this year and I wasn't scolding him or anything. But I think the pressure was too much. Poor kid. I really love him as my own. Wish I could smuggle some kids back to Malaysia with me. Their all so nice and loving and kind. Some more than others but they all have such good hearts.

Oh well, that's it for now. Be back soon.

Invitation to Somo

2008-11-13T01:27:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone,

Just did my second acoustic gig at Somo with my good singer friend Afdiza, Mount Kiara (Next to Coffee Bean, Next to Baskin Robins, opposite Sun Rise / McDonalds).

It went well this time. Better sound mix overall compared to the first time we performed there and better response also. yey!

Had this opportunity to perform there coz of our "manager - Sherry" who writes for Seventeen Magazine (obviously not 17 years old). She got us (me and diza) the job.

Do come by if you're interested. Appreciate the support. =)

Dream @ work

2008-08-15T11:04:00.006+08:00

I have an idea of what I want life to be like.
Hopefully getting a 9-5 job and a steady income monthly and have a harmonious family.
But one idea keep coming back to me from people around me and I'm starting to consider it as well. Not too sure how feasible it is, but I think I can see a blue print for now.

Teaching Acoustic Guitar.

It is a passion of mine to teach something that I'm passionate about, acoustic guitars. The definition of an acoustic guitar is a hollow guitar with steel strings and the last 4 strings are coated with bronze. Semi-acoustic are those with pick-ups installed to be plugged in to amplify the guitar sound.

I've been playing guitars for the past 6 years and was wondering whether are there people outside who are interested to play:

1. Songs - This includes chords mainly. Yes, you don't have to know how to read notes to play a song. One can strum chords and read tabs to do so (I find this the easiest and more interesting way to begin learning guitar. Yes, your pretty fingers will begin to hurt depending on the amount of practice you put in). You can opt to read notes as well. I can teach Gred 1 classical guitar. =D
2. Fingerstyle/plucking - A wide range of guitar dynamics can be expressed through fingerstyle.
3. For fun/personal pleasure
4. Performing - This is mainly playing and singing or playing for a singer or band.
5. Worship - Leading worship with the guitar or playing for the church band.

For now
It will probably start in my house or I'll start by traveling to my students house around P.J. for now. Which is fine. But hopefully in a year or two I may be able to get a base of students an a place to teach and sell guitars etc. Yes, you guessed, like a music shop.

And yes, like all parent's concern, and so is my concern, which is to finish my studies first. Currently a little busy with my dissertation for my final semester doing a Degree in Business Management Majoring in Marketing zzzzzz. Man! I would rather do a Degree in Ownage Guitaring Masterclass for Uber genius!!
Of course even if there is such a thing, I'll probably fail or get kicked out or both, after the first class. For those who want to know about me, (those few)... I'll be finishing my little degree in January...

Further in the Future
Also planning to target surrounding churches to have worship courses to teach/ground existing/future musicians in the worship band to firstly know the heart of God/worship and to play the guitar in a worship in song setting (and maybe to lead worship in song).
And to maybe go to smaller towns around Malaysia to conduct guitar workshops for the guitarist in those churches around Malaysia, probably with smaller churches that we can keep in relationship with and keep coming back and help in anyway we can.
Hopefully I can send some of my students to teach with me and down the road to conduct clinics by themselves to help the poorer churches around. (Maybe persecution may come more strongly and evidently then ;D I'm NOT prophesying. Don't shoot me!!)

Materials
I also want to come out with my own material to be used for my classes as well as combining materials from other good books that are relevant to conduct my classes. As for now, I teach according to what the students want to learn, ie Cool songs! emo songs, church songs, kiddy songs, RAWK songs, and all sorts of easy to advance fingerstyle technique in all those songs.
My students are from 9 years old, YES Keane, that's YOU I'm talking about, and my previous student age around 40++? Basically, there's no age limit when you.... no no, there IS an age limit as I'm not specialize to teach 1/2 month old baby or 92 years old granny when their fingers aren't really steady and firm to press on those semi-hard steel, bronze coated strings yea... yea...

Job Offer - Materials
I just went to Guitar Store yesterday the one in Hartamas and they offered me a job to be a guitar teacher there to teach acoustic guitar. I went in there (as usual trying to play some really good guitars only to 'crave' owning one myself) and picked up a "Farida" (a not so expensive and impressive piece of wood) and plugged it into an AER amp (an amplifier that's the best in the world for acoustic guitars) and played a few finger style pieces to tease myself with my limited skills before a gig in lepaq in Hartamas. After playing a few minutes, I'm off to eat dinner with Huey, so I handed the guitar back to "Lee" the guy that sold Kevin's guitar to Kevin... Yeah, that makes sense. And then he commented on my playing and ask if I wanted a job. In my heart I was like "ALRIGHTZ! Some one recognize UBER authentic rare talent!!" mmm.... Only to find out they just lack in guitar teachers *ego crushed, brought back to reality*. So I filled in some form and left.
Oh yea, the purpose of me telling you this story is so that I can comment on their material! yes! Getting to the point, they told me that I must follow strictly to their "materials" and Lady: "anything other than that you are free to do ie like using your phone to record video of me playing so students won't forget what they've just learn when they go home". By materials I mean books that, Same Lady: "we don't really have much acoustic guitar material as well, but you must follow our materials..." ???? Alright?? Basically all students are instructed to buy those books as material from Guitar Store when they opt to learn from the company. And I've yet to look at their materials but I can kinda guess it might be very stiff and not very fluid as other acoustic guitar materials I've seen before.

So with this understanding, I feel compelled to write my own materials where I find it relevant to what I teach my students. I suppose I'll drag-n-drop stuff from various books (with careful thought of copyright laws) to aid my materials. This is quite far in the future assuming that all goes well. And then I can also give the materials to other churches that will hopefully aid their guitarist if they have one.

Oh well, small plans, small dreams... It may just all be a dream after all. Which is fine. A man's allowed to dream yea?

For now the fees are:
Fees RM100 monthly - 45 minutes per lesson, 4 x a month
Location - For now I travel to my student's house. Next time hopefully I'll base myself some where.
Subject - Acoustic Guitar - This includes basic to intermediate strumming technique and fingerstlye (in other words, plucking). Yes, Chords are included. xD

Crash course - RM25 per lesson - up to 3 times a week (Mainly for students who are having year end holidays of breaks for a month or more). Not as effective but still workable.

2008-07-03T12:48:00.004+08:00

Because behind everything that we do on the outside, the more important thing is the reason behind all that we do in the inside.

Personal Lessons of Love

2008-01-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

Love endures when you don't feel like loving.
Love is being patient.
Love is not just a feeling or emotion.
Love is being gentle when others around you are harsh at you.
Love is a commitment.
Love is taking shit when some times you don't deserve it but you choose to look at the bigger picture beyond yourself.
Love is defending your friend when your friend is being bad mouthed by people.
Love is (sometimes) taking a stranger into your car when it's quite a dangerous thing to do but you choose to do it anyway because Kenneth was there with you to help the stanger find her way home.
Love is sending the blind man back to his house at night.
Love is helping a stanger man to the hospital when it's the most inconvenient thing to do at the middle of the night - and following up on his heath the next day and the next week.
Love is reflected in the life of Jesus.
Love in action is seen on the cross.
Love is sincerely caring for people not just for the fame of being praised or looked at.
Love is best exercised in the quiet places where no one notices.

Love is from Him, through you, to others.

Love is one of the simplest theory but hardest to execute and requires the most of you - [for some one else].

Joshua T.

January 2008

2008-01-11T07:06:00.000+08:00

Time to deliver.

Season of Change

2007-11-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

This is surely a season of change.
Time to grow and learn from pains and hardship.
Time to trust God that His plans are good.
There is time for everything.

And now is the time to put faith into actions.

Anger

2007-10-24T03:07:00.000+08:00

Anger is a bitch.
Don't feed it, don't play with it, don't entertain it.

Sometimes people can say the stupidest things which they'll regret right after, or a day after they've been in contact with anger. But it doesn't define who am I nor does it degrades me nor will it make me have a perception of myself that is not real; or at least anger tries to get you to believe so.

Just taking a look at how God sees us will really give us perspective on who we really are, and what we're capable of when we're faced with 'anger' or the consequences of it. Everyone has a choice, God has given us the freewill to choose. And we can choose to either Feed and Entertain Anger, or we could take a fair look at the real situation and either be upset but not sin, if the situation is upsetting, that is; if you take a look at it clearly and realize that it's not upsetting, then don't choose to be upset. Don't choose to let your ego come in and be upset for no real solid reason. You might well regret after if you don't put aside your ego when it's still 'early' after realizing that there's nothing to really be angry about. (easier said than done, but it's the fact)

Our emotions can be blown out of proportion if we give in to our emotion of anger and choose not to engage our mind and calm down and try to talk sense. It's so crucial to take a step back (take a chill pill if needed) and look at the situation with a clear mind, not when it's all clouded up with feelings or rage, anger or hatred.

I for one need to learn to chill and take my own advice. As it's so easy to just get all worked up for nothing and what's worst, hurt others whom you love on the way because I'm so busy glorifying my anger; I fail to see who I'm hurting by my words and actions.

The worst part of it, if you've followed my 'amazing guide to stupidity in anger' by doing all the wrong things when you're angry like what's stated above and/or more; you might realize that you've said things you can never take back. The good and the bad.

People can forgive you and still love you the same. But the consequences of the reality of the hurt and pain which caused by words that came out of your mouth, can not be revoked. I feel like I've got to live my life with a thorn in my flesh with the memories of my words that hurt the ones that I love. I'm not implying that I'll never or shouldn't be angry anymore. Anger in itself is not wrong, but what we do with that emotion/feeling is what's important. I hope that we all do not miss the mark when we're angry. Instead, to engage our brain to think a little more when we're faced with the emotion of anger. I have to learn with the thorn in my flesh to remember the consequences of my previous actions of anger, to not follow that path again, by God's grace.

It's not a nice story to tell, nor it is an encouraging one. But it's the reality of anger and it's consequences.

May God be glorified in our speech and actions, always.

Be angry, but do not sin...

He's got the whole world in His hands

2007-09-04T04:02:00.000+08:00

There are too much to worry about in this life we live in today.
Some are worth pondering upon, some are just pointless to dwell on.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)
¹⁴ When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.

(The Message)
¹⁴ On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won't take anything for granted.

(NLT)
¹⁴ Enjoy prosperity while you can,
but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God.
Remember that nothing is certain in this life.

Our future is so uncertain. Anything can happen tomorrow.
But as for today, lets be grateful and thank God for it.

Nothing is certain in this life we live in.
Put your trust, security and find your identity in Christ and let the truth set you free.
-As I put my sense of security and identity in some one or some thing, it may fail, it may vary, or change and it's unstable. But rooting oneself in Christ is the best bet as He'll never fail nor will He change. When our sense of identity, security and trust (pro-active) is in Him, we realize that we don't need to cling on to things or people so tightly.

Keep it simple, guys. Life's too short to worry about every single thing.

Love

2007-08-22T16:30:00.000+08:00

To be loved and to love - By God and one another.

Love Is the Greatest:

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Enjoying God...

2007-07-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

I guess I came from a place where serving God is vital in my Christian walk.
And there are many perceptions of God that I have that is currently being challenged.
One of them is "Will God give or ask us to serve in an area we really don't enjoy and don't like doing - [in the context of ministry]?"
-There is a part of me that thinks well, maybe... But wouldn't God give us the 'extra' grace to actually do it for 'that moment' in time where it's needed? Coz why do I feel sometimes that I am striving to 'serve God'? Shouldn't it be enjoyable?? Am I just going through the motions of serving because I wana keep things going to just keep the ministry alive?
-Coz there are times when I experience the grace of God for me to serve in a certain ministry without feeling 'burdensome' and it gives me much satisfaction and fulfillment as well. I feel like I'm within the boundaries of grace that God has enabled me to work in.

But I do believe that there is a way of "serving" God that actually belittles Him and robs Him of His glory. I think we should always beware and careful to not serve Him in a way that implies a deficiency on His part. I think God in His love and grace, chooses to involve us in the many small and big things He wants to do.
Even our initiative to serve God is from Him. The Father doesn't need our help. He requires our obedience and offers His help.

More and more I am beginning to realize as a peon of God when it comes to leading worship in music, I have such a freedom to just let God do the God stuff while I just sit back and enjoy the ride along with all my friends. When it comes with dealing with people concerning ministry or church stuff, I kinda realize that it's His ministry and His church, and approaching things that way takes a whole lot of burden off my shoulder.

I'm also learning to take Him seriously but not myself... It helps coz it's like putting a whole lot on God's shoulder and I'm just His delivery boy along with anyone else. And it helps me not to easily allow things to get to my head as well coz I kinda know it's His work and I'm just blessed coz I might be involved in it.

Point is for now, I'm just enjoying myself and God as He enjoys and delights in me.
Joy of my desire...

Hymn

2007-06-28T01:52:00.000+08:00

What is this called love?
That sent You to the cross,
For my sins You died,
And paid the ransom price.

Can I understand?
This love so rescuing,
Truly I am free,
For all eternity...

The Holiday

2007-06-12T22:46:00.001+08:00

I love this show.
I love happy endings.
I love how it's all so ideal.
And for things to be so simple and cheerful.
I love the One who created all these wonderful, beautiful surreal stories.
I'd love to be in a story like that.
I love how it all just works out.
How people can just abandon everything for love.
I love it when people speak good English.
I'm such a sucker for sappy movies.

I'd love to have a holiday.

*Dam it, I feel like a 10 year old kid!! But am loving it!! Whoo hoo.... =P

In His time...

2007-05-22T04:07:00.000+08:00

I should consider changing my profile picture... (random thought)

7 of us met at Reuben's place last Monday just to worship, pray and chill out together. It was a great time together with God and one another. I felt very relaxed in God's presence and with one another. And I also felt the peace and joy of God throughout the time there.
We had a good time eating pizza (especially when it's free), thanks Reub. And to top it all, with Ai May's superb Brownies!! Just made my day... I'm looking forward in excitement for the next time we can meet again like that. Sooo good...

Been thinking about some things lately and as I turn to the bible this sentence struck a chord in me. I think it's C#minor.
No... it's "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord."

Makes a whole lot of sense to me at this point in time where I can do something but it will probably just make things worst, or I can just trust Him in my situation.
Knowing what to do (which is to trust Him) helps me attain perspective to my conduct.

What can I do that can help my situation?
What can I say that will not lead me astray?
To trust that You have all in consideration,
And wait as time will tell my destination,

Knowing that God have the best in mind for my life and really acting upon that statement is two different things. I can know many truths about God in my head. But for it to travel from my head to my heart takes a decade, maybe two.
But I guess I can trust Him enough to take actions before knowing what the outcome will be like. Plus, I have no other better options anyway. (Which makes it a lil easier to surrender).

Sometimes I think I know what's best for me. Especially when there isn't anything better in that point in time. But to cheerfully lay down what I think is the best for me is quite hard.
Me being human, want things fast, now and instantaneous. But I figured that God got all my thoughts/worries/wants/needs, covered.

So I guess I'll just spend some time talking to Him very openly to tell Him my same old, same old and to surrender, daily. Picking up my cross intentionally and to lay my worries and all my stories at the altar and take on His yoke. To follow Him, journey with Him, on an every day, every minute basis.

To be like a mirror that is ever so clear, that will hopefully do justice to how He looks like. And that means, He probably needs to wipe that mirror quite a bit until it's crystal clear. Even after that, over time, the mirror might get tainted and dirty again. And the wiping and polishing process is needed ever so often. It's painful and hard going through a polishing time in my life.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

He 'has' made, not he 'will' make... He has already made it. And He has drafted out a good future (good in His eyes, may not be exactly what I think 'good' should be like) for those who love and follow Him.

OooOo Father Lorrrddd..... You really need to help me believe that!!

Thought this was kinda funny

2007-05-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: October 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.
You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.
People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.
You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.

Your strength: Your original approach to thinking

Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others

Your power color: Pale blue

Your power symbol: Wavy line

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Remaining in Him

2007-04-09T01:26:00.000+08:00

"Rest is sometimes the most spiritual thing you can 'do'."

God's grace is just so so amazing. It's so important to know what grace means. Without grace, we just end up striving and going through life, restlessly. I know I did. Just living my life as a 'perfectionist' by nature, really makes me agitated easily when things are not as I think it suppose to be. Plus the fact that I really hate making mistakes in life, just makes me want to achieve 'perfection' even more.

But God brought across a different perspective in looking at things/situation/people. God taught me 'grace'. As easy as it may sound, I am just experiencing a glimpse of the full picture of God's grace in my every day life. The grace not to 'do', do and do more... But the grace to know that I'm not here to do everything. The grace to accept my inability, imperfection and the importance of my total dependence on Him.

God's grace is sufficient. And it's true! I don't really understand it before and I don't claim to fully understand it either. But one thing I do know is, God has given all of us a measure of grace. Hence, we are to work in that measure of grace He has given to us. But if we step out or take on more than we have the grace to do so, we'll just overheat and break down. I was at the verge of breaking down already, but thank God, He rescued me early enough for a faster recovery from the overheating.

When I was brushing my teeth, God suddenly just spoke to me saying "remain in Me". And I'm like, "how??". Then He followed up by saying "remain in my grace that is sufficient for you". Nothing more, nothing less. Give it our all in the things we do for God, but also to know the 'boundaries' of God's grace. Practically speaking, know when to say 'no' to things and when to say 'yes' and know when and how to delegate.
The fact that I can 'do' ministry and at the same time, do it in the state of complete rest, assurance and grace, fully depending/leaning on Him. Knowing that if I mess up, it's alright. God's plan will not be thwarted because of me messing up. Part of learning not to take myself to seriously as well.

A bonus thing that I learn recently is that 'shepherds' or leaders are placed in their position for the sheep, not for the sake of the leaders/shepherds/pastors. Not for them to feel good about themselves of being in a position of leadership, but it's for the people. Having that in mind, if we have the heart that wants to please/honor God and wants the best for the people, and out of that, we do or suggest something (in the context of a team) for the benefit of the people, even if our 'good ideas/intention' maybe disregarded, it's totally fine. Because God is in control. He also wants the best for the people. We're merely partnering with Him. And if we are partnering rightly with Him, and if people disregard what we are saying, it really doesn't matter because it's what I feel God's saying, and as long as I did my part in saying it out the way that God wants it said, I've done my part in partnering with God. The rest of the job is mostly God's work already.
I realize it's so much easier to work in team knowing this fact that God is ultimately sovereign! He's the Sovereign Lord, and He's in control.

Another humbling fact that hits my pride is that "I'm not indispensable", God's kingdom will still continue with or without me. I find it such a joy to serve Him again. Just knowing the fact that He's sovereign and I'm just going to remain in Him and to speak what I sense the Holy Spirit is speaking makes ministry not tiring and all fulfilling.

What a joy to hear His voice. I now know how badly I need to hear God. My mind is sound and clear as I just 'know' that God's presence is here, and just talking to Him and leaning on Him for everything. Yea, like a child, like a son, just being a son to Big Daddy (Who is Big, bigger than all our problems combined together) Who knows all things, sees all things, and knows what you need, when you need the things you need at the appropriate time, needed.

Hello, to a new way of viewing life. A life well lived within the scope of grace given to me. A life well rested in God (constantly, even in ministry). A life that wants to constantly remain in Him and His grace, which is sufficient for me.

"Every time you meet with God, you can't help but to change to be more and more like Him."

Speaking Truth and Listening

2007-03-01T16:04:00.000+08:00

Just looking at people the way God looks at them changes what we see and perceive about them.
When that takes place, we see a person according to how God sees him/her, and the best part is when we begin to treat them as who they are in Christ, the way Christ sees them and treats them [ refer to Who Am I from previous post].

Sometimes, who we think/perceive we are might just be a little distorted from who God really sees us as. Plus, it is really encouraging to see people shaping to be more and more like Christ. What's the best and also the worst part of it all is, we get to play a part in the transformation of people's lives, be it for the better or for the worst. I think it's good to give a little bit more emphasis now on 'how powerful our words are'.

Something called "character assassination" is frequently found in our every day chatters easily distinguished by the fruit of our lips. Something so subtle like gossips about others can cause severe misconception to the hearer hence bringing down one another instead of lifting and building up one another/preferring one another. The accuser of the brethren is always on the look out to tear the church apart internally. When our foundation is based on relationships, that can be our weakness as well when we start to listen to what the devil have to say about each other and believe him.

Soldier A : MEDIC!!! Some one's injured here, come quickly.
Medic : Who shot him?
Soldier A : I don't know. He's bleeding on his back.
Medic : The angle of the shot isn't right... It seems like it came from our side.
Soldier A : *confused* You mean... It's one of us?
Medic : Most probably.

Often times it hurts the most when the bullet comes from 'our side'. And most of the time, it's not just the person who shot it that thinks bad about that person. Before shooting him on the back, he may have already spread bad report about that person to his other comrades to think the same about him (victim).

Our words carry the power as of a bullet through the body if not handled with care. It has the power to built up or to destroy. It can be used in war to shoot the enemy or sometimes even one another when we are not careful with our words. Some times we don't know to what extend our words may affect the other person. But continually, what's being told to us as wisdom is to guard our lips. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Let our yes be yes and no be no. Tame the tongue.

Live the Truth, Speak the Truth, and be quick to listen.

New Year New Life New Ways

2007-02-27T01:13:00.001+08:00

It's a new year and a new start to life. Just a couple of things I've learned and am still learning.

A Matter of Trust
Firstly I just came back from Cambodia. It was a great 6 weeks there with the kidz, with Steve and with Reuben. I believe God 'took the opportunity' to mould me while I was there =P . I had loads of fun while I was in Cambodia. Teaching the kids guitar and just being able to share life for a short period of time with them is refreshing. When I was there in Kratie, the highlight was really the simplicity of life. If there's one word I can sum up my trip to Cambodia it will be "priceless". And if there's one general theme to what God's been teaching me throughout the trip is [Trust in Him]. Trust is one of the foundation to any growing and healthy relationship. It is a vulnerable foundation coz once it is broken, it's really hard to build it back again.

Trusting God is always easier said than done. When you don't see the logical reason and when you don't see the benefit of it, you'll probably question whether or not God really have His best interest in mind for you or not. He was patient and merciful to dealing with the 'idols' in my heart, one by one, He has to be the Lord and Master of me. I realize one of the reason for me to have idols is because I have a lack of trust in Him:
1. I don't trust that He can satisfy me more than Dota.
2. I don't trust that He can provide for me if I don't take that Yamaha job.
3. I don't trust that He loves me enough to want the best life-partner for me [when I thought that 'This is it! She's the one. She's perfect!'] and when God disallows it to happen.

I don't trust that He loves me enough to want the BEST for me in my life. Because if I did trust in Him, and believe that He wants the best for me, it wouldn't been so difficult to let these things go. These are quite fresh of what I've been going through. And continually I have to remember to surrender the things I hold dearly to Him.

Meaningless
But actually, if it's not God or His word, everything else is pretty meaningless. Most of the times I see that non-Christians are rich and contented with their lives and living happily ever after. And I see the fate of the believer the same as an unbeliever - they both die one day - except maybe they enjoy 'sinning' in the world without getting punish in this world. But I also realized that better a poor but righteous man than a rich but wicked person. And why covet/strongly desire someone else's things, riches, fame which will only last this life time? Aren't we looking at eternity?

For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man. This is what the wicked are like - always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
I find myself and many other believers easily captivated and encumbered by the covetousness of our hearts towards 'meaningless' things in life. Material possessions, monetary possessions, fame/glory, power, relationships etc, things that can/may/most of the time hold us back from stepping on full throttle towards things that matter most for eternity.

The definition of covetousness is [From Dictionary.com]:

1.	inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy.

2.	eagerly desirous.

Covet

c.1225, from O.Fr. coveitier, probably ult. from L. cupiditas "passionate desire," from cupidus "very desirous," from cupere "long for, desire."

Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper
And envy is very closely knitted with covetousness.

On the other hand, I'm also learning to not take myself too seriously. Knowing that I'm not perfect and I should not expect people to deliver or live up to my expectations in life. Besides, many things I am passionate about is quite meaningless besides God and His church.

Approaching God with an Idolatrous/Covetous Heart
Approaching God with strong desires of our own that are not in line with His will, when He has made it known to us, can prove to be the most unwise and dangerous thing to do. For this can lead us to deceiving ourselves when God actually 'gives' or allow us to have what we want or pray for. Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth; fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desires, and covetousness which is idolatry. We are often enticed by what we desire/want - the very thing that tempts us. Some times, we pray so hard (with a strong desire) for God to give us this position, person, thing, but we also wanna show that God's opinion matters to us so we end with the "in the end, let Your will be done, Lord". Some times also, God will allow our covetous/selfish prayers to come true to teach us a valuable lesson. ie Prodigal son, Balaam's story, and Israel's grumbling for meat. Balaam ended up killed by the Israelites, the best men of Israel dies before they can chew the quail because of their grumbling and the prodigal son came back with a lesson well learned.

Most of the time, when we're into something or someone, it's very hard to think objectively. All we want is that, and our prayers are more like a hopeful prayer coming to God with a mind set on it already rather than coming to inquire of His opinion and will.

Who Am I?
Many people strive to find their personality. The question "Who Am I?" is constantly embedded in people's mind. I know I do, and I struggle with finding who I am in the world that tells us who we should be like. The more I try and 'fit in', the more I find myself pushing people away. The question one should ask is, "who am I, in God?" How does God view me? What does He say about me? A couple of times I notice people using the 'this is who I am' phrase often ending up lowering themselves of who they really are in God. Is that really who we are in Christ Jesus?

My personal examples would be finding my identity in the things I do. I love basket ball when I was in secondary school, and I strive to become the best player in my secondary school before I leave school. I joined the Petaling Basket Ball Associations at the age of 14 and I can proudly say that I am the best player in my school when I was form 5. What was a miss there is that I try and find my identity in playing basket ball and while at it, developed alot of pride along the way and a result oriented behaviour. I tried to be the best so that people will recognize that I am the best player in La Salle. But what is that achievement to God? My friends may looks at me and they may see that I'm good but all this is just temporary. So what if I'm the best in Malaysia? If I don't know who I really am in Christ, it all amounts to nothing! What would last?? What would make a difference for the better in my life? Finding who I really am in God and living it out the way God sees me, not the way others see me for who they think I am or should be. Instead of finding my identity in what I do, I should find my identity in Christ. Instead of giving excuse saying "this is who I am, what!" but to maybe reflect again and to ask is this really who I am in Christ?

Why Should God Take Credit For What I've Done!?!?
One guy came and ask me. Why should I acknowledge God when I get straight A's for my exams? Why should I thank Him and give Him the credit for it when in actual fact, I studied like hell to make sure I get that results? Why should I thank Him for the money I make? I made it, with my hard work and effort by working long hours and writing a killer resume to get the job.
But, I noticed is said that God is the one who enabled us to generate wealth, and therefore God is the One who gave us a mind that we can think and remember what we've studied. Hence He gave us hands and feet to work and earn money. I think it's a good enough reason to acknowledge God in 'our' achievements. This came about as I was pondering upon answering that question my friend brought to me. Another thing I realize is, everything good comes from the Lord, so does otherwise - Job 2:10, Ecclesiastes 7:14.

Jehovah Jireh
Oh well, I'm happy to be back again. Nothing like the amazing variety of food here in Malaysia.
And I came back an owner of an old Citroen ZX generously given by Chan Wai. It's amazing and memorable, I think it'll be really hard to forget the moment when Raj passed to me the car keys of the Citroen ZX followed by Desmond handing to me the parking ticket for the basement car park of Komplex Kemajuan [potong steam]. It is an incredible story to me of how God provided the car and the cash for the servicing of the car and many more stories of how God was real as "Jehovah Jireh" [God our provider] to me. It was a moment of joy and responsibility, knowing that I have to care for it from now onwards.

Blessings Follows Obedience
But I noticed, most of the time in my life, blessings come after obedience. After learning to surrender those 'idols' - things that I desire strongly - then unexpectedly, God blessed me with what I needed at the perfect timing - His timing. This song spoke to me when I was struggling not knowing why things don't go the way I want it to go, struggling to obey:

Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end"

In His time, in His time,
He makes all thing beautiful in His time.
Lord, please show me everyday, as You're teaching me Your way, that You do just what you say, In your time.

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all thing beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

He's Sovereign and He's good! The thought of knowing that God has my life in his hands and He loves and wants the best for me in His time, makes it easier to go through life everyday, and to except a 'no' as an answer from Him coz you're certain that He wants the best for you.

God's Friendster Account
And on the other hand, if God would to have a friendster account, I bet his testimonials will be full of wonderful comments/testimonials of people being grateful to Him/thanking Him every second. Just to acknowledgement Him, these are a few examples I want to share now. If I would to share all, blogger won't have enough space for me to blog about it. Well, briefly... My trip to India last year, or was it 2 years back, He provided for me way more than I expected with an extra RM500 that ended up in my mom's hand coz I felt nice that day to give it to her... *sigh*. And for this trip to Cambodia which he also provided for me financially, thanks also to those who gave willingly! And for the car I received just 9 days ago. Isn't He lovely....

About a Boy

2007-01-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

A normal day at the orphanage with kids of various ages playing together in the center was how it all started. The center was my home, I was there when I was a baby left to the caretaker by my parents whom I never knew or saw. I grew up knowing that I was abandoned and thinking that my parents hated me or made a 'mistake', that brings me to where I am now.

So I thought my life was just going to end like this. Just another meaningless and mundane life. Though in festive seasons like Christmas or Easter, there will normally be a bunch of people from churches that come to visit us, giving us gifts and doing lots of fun stuff together. I enjoyed those times very much. But those are but temporary recreation that will not last a day or two. Occasionally, there will be some couples who will come by the center looking for a child they can adopt as their own. So we all will line up in two rows and give our biggest smiles and try to look good so that they will take notice of us.

There were 39 couple that came throughout the time I was there in that center from day 1 until now. No one wanted me. I am ugly, useless and stupid. At least that's what my 'friends' tell me. Dreams and hopes were not part of my vocabulary. Destiny, faith, happiness are just but an island far far away from where I am. Hurt, pain, disgrace, unwanted, sadness, are words I understood. I believe what they said was true as I'm still here in the center where else a good number of my friends were adopted by those couples that came already.

It was a Sunday morning in December. Christmas day is just 3 days away and all the children were going wild playing and jumping around from bed to bed in the dormitory. I was fill with grief that day just trying to paint a picture of my mom and dad I never knew, in my mind. "Why was I abandoned?" I thought to myself. A moment later, the door of the dormitory quietly opened and a tall middle-aged man walked in. My heart was still filled with grief and anguish as I looked at this man who walked in quietly. He was observing the kids playing with one another and he smiles to himself, as if he knew each and everyone of them here.

After 15 minutes of just observing everyone in the dormitory, our caretaker called us to line up in two rows, two-by-two. My heart was excited for a moment but the thought about my pass experience with the 39 couple who came and left without me, just overwhelmed my entire being. I was quite puzzled as I notice this man came alone. I thought he would come with his wife or at least another friend that would come with him to see if the child he picked is a 'good one'. I saw him talking to our caretaker as we were forming the line but I couldn't hear what he was saying as the kids were all excited, pushing one another to be the first in line. So there I was standing some where in the middle of the line, waiting for this man to get over with it quickly!

"Josh, Joshua? Is that your name?" I was caught off guard and in hesitation I answered, "yes". The caretaker then motioned to me to come closer. My feelings of excitement and sorrow was mixed in a blender at that moment. As I came closer to him, I noticed he was smiling at me. Ready to be disappointed again, at the back of my head, I mustered all the confidence I had in myself to greet him. He then looked at me with eyes that seem to understand all that I've been through, and turned towards the caretaker and said, "I'm taking Joshua."

Dad totally gave me a "make-over" they called it. He restore proper understanding of who I am now from who I was before. Not the ugly, useless, stupid boy I thought I was, but a handsome, talented, brilliant man I am now in him. He gave me destiny and purpose to live. Faith and trust were beginning to develope as I spend time hanging-out with dad and family. He reminded me from time to time that he chose and set me aside for himself as he has a plan for my life.

The first month was awkward. I never called someone 'dad' before in my life. Now living in a big mansion, with many servants, and countless brothers and sisters, dad still had time for everyone. He lavished his love on us everyday. It took me a very long time to understand what it means to be adopted, even after I was adopted. Dad gave me an identity as I now carry his name. My brothers and sisters loved and accepted me as one of theirs. The community around acknowledges me as Mr.xxx son. Now and then I still feel ackward knowing I am adopted. Feels like I'm not truly one of my dad's own flesh and blood. But the more I spend time with dad and family, I realize that it doesn't matter. I am loved, unconditionally.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is not a story about my life. [Although the boy's name is Joshua]. I was just doing some reading and I think I just had this motion picture in my head. And then I thought I should pen it down. Or I'll just blog about it. So half way writting it on a piece of paper, I decided to switch-on my computer and type it down. It's a random story. It spoke to me in some ways. I look at it in a Christian point of view. Pretty interesting what can be derived from this story. It is FICTION!!-(In case anyone takes it too seriously) Forgive my grammatical or whatever English errors I made. It's super late... ahh... 5:15am zzZZzZzzZz

I'm Beginning To Feel It Now...

2007-01-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

I think I'm going to miss alot of things. 40 days is quite a long time. I think I'm gonna miss the food here most!!... *thinks for a while* No la, I think friends will come to mind first before food, followed by family. xD~ (but of course, family comes first!) *Grins*

Going to take a few jab'S' [meaning --> big needles = *ouch*. But it's not as bad as a cockroach crawling on me... EeekkKk... But if the needle is really big and painful then it's almost as bad as 2 cockroaches clawling on me!!] Still in the debate with God why did He created Cockroaches?!?! *&#^)$@& P.E.S.T!!!!

What I would like to do in Cambodia: *grins*
1. Read the Bible
2. Read the book Drawing Near - By John Bevere
3. Write songs
4. Learn to be more independant
5. Kick Reub unconsciously while I'm asleep ;P

Congrats!!

2006-12-26T12:45:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to my brudder, Jason who just got hand-cuffed, I mean..... engaged with Adrene yesterday, 25th Dec.
And now, go get a nest and lay eggs... *shoo shoo*... xD

P.S. But first give me the Kenari (including the CD player and speakers) and then get a bigger family car for yourself. Thanks!

The Glory in my life

2006-12-15T16:41:00.000+08:00

I'm getting quite use to what I'm doing now.
I enjoy teaching them. The hardest part is trying to get a cab from house to house. Once I'm there already, all the hassle just seem to subside and it is such a joy watching them play and improving. I just need a car!! I guess I would want to continue teaching some of them that really want to learn, when I come back from Cambodia.

Didn't know reading is that enjoyable! Never actually read so much in my entire life! (Until my light bulb in my room fused!!) Hard to believe, but yea!
Just bought 3 great books.
1. Drawing Near - John Bevere
2. The way of the Wild Heart - John Eldredge
3. Boy meets girl - Joshua Harris
Glad sounds just opened in 1 Utama last Saturday and their having a sale up to 24th Dec. I bought "The way of the Wild Heart" and "Drawing Near" from them.
Currently haven't finish reading "Life beneath the surface" by Mike Pilavachi.

And this is a little something:- I'll probably use it one day when I am in that situation, finding the I AM where I am...

The Glory in my life

Restore my soul
Please take control
I'm broken in
To You I sing

Don't let me go
Don't let me go

To You be the glory in my life
In times like this I sing Your grace
In my sorrow I give You praise

Consume my heart
With fire for You
I'll walk this path
of life anew

Lord break this heart
And make it whole
To follow You
My only goal

Jesus, Jesus
Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus

My day at the Curve with Dad

2006-12-06T09:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, just went to the curve to spend time with God.
It was a blast! God just met with me there.

First stop was Starbucks!
I went in and bought a cup of HOT cappucino. I have to admit that, it wasn't really nice. Must I add sugar to it? I wanted a cold one!! I forgot to ask for an iced cappucino or ice-blended or whatever.
Ok, drinks aside. I started off reading the book of John continued from where I stopped at chapter 9. I just asked the Holy Spirit to teach me and show me God's heart for me. And as I read, I was deeply moved when Jesus was deeply moved by Lazarus's death that He actually wept! I never felt that emotions before. I normally just read it as it is. And I realize that Jesus is a man that's full of emotions and He displayed it to men. John 11:33,35,38

The Father told Jesus What To Say and How To Say It. John 12:49
That's just amazing. Many times I find myself asking God, "Father, what to say in differing situations?" Then now I realize I should also ask the follow-up question. "Father, how do I convey it?" Many times we have good intentions in our hearts but the hardest part is to convey the message as well as possible. But here, the Father teaches the Son, and now we have the Holy Spirit to teach us "all things"!! When Jesus was alive on earth, He was one man, one place. But now with the Holy Spirit, He can be at all place, at all times. In our hearts, if we want, we can ask the Holy Spirit to teach us anything and everything and also what to say and how to say it.

As I was reading, many instances I really feel the Father through Jesus (His role model Son) really loved men. He loved men so much and many things that Jesus did, it was for the benefit of the people around Him.

Chapter 14 was the killer for me. Here I am in Starbucks trying to "tahan hansem" coz my eyes were getting wattery and all. It was just a revelation of the Father's love through His word. I couldn't sit there and read on, so I just walked to the highest floor of the curve (less ppl) and sat there. God just met with me there.

God just opened my eyes to 2 things.
1. He told me that in those times of 'awkwardness', horrible times, and stressful times, He was there. And because He was there and He created a way out for me already, I know He is cheering me on like "Come on Josh, I know you can do it! I know you can because I am there, Daddy is here and I've created a way out for you already. I know you can do it, you're My son. Remember when you were arguing with your mom? I was there. Remember that time when you were outrightly shot? I was there. Remember that time when you were cryin in your bedroom? Yes, Daddy was there. And because I was there, I felt your pain and I knew what you were going through. I know you, son. And because I was there, and have created a way out, I know you can go through those times, coz Daddy's holding your arm." No words to express except tears that just flow continously from my eyes. What a way to approve and to initiate His son.

2. Father just downloaded this motion picture to my mind of a baby who is walking around then suddenly falls into the mud coz he's still unstable in walking. Then the Father picked him up, saying "it's ok, it's alright now, lets just take a shower and get you clean. Alright now, lets give it another shot, here we go. This time I'll hold your hand tighter and I'll catch you before you fall into the mud. Yea, I'm leading you there, I'm allowing you to go through it. But I know you can, and even if you fall, I'll catch you in time. But if you decide to roll off my hands and fall into the mud, then we'll just have to go wash up or take a bathe and maybe try again tomorrow, yea?" The understanding of His love, just blew my mind for a minute. Just makes me more confident while walking through the muddy places of my life. I can do all things, through Christ who strenghtens me. It gives me a deeper understanding when I fall/sin, that Daddy is there to pick me up and cheer me on and say "well done, it's alright, lets try again." And with that understanding, I really wouldn't want to hurt His heart by continue to dwell in the mud.

I always forget to look at Daddy, and see myself in Him. My identity, in Him. My reflection when I look at Him. And I pray that I maybe a mirror, that He would scrub me and polish it clean to the point where He can truely see Himself reflected clearly in that mirror.

P.S. I only accomplished to read chapter 9-14. 6 Chapters!! My goal was to finish John. =.=" LOL

My First Day 'at work'

2006-12-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm not used to it yet.
I always thought working life is easier than studying life.
I was wrong...

Missing class is not as serious as missing work.
Late for class is not as bad as late for work.
I don't have class every day but I do have work everyday.
I don't have to talk in class, but I have to communicate well at work.

I'm a whimp!! ahaha... 45 minutes class only and I'm already feeling tired.
Taxi there, have class and taxi back, the whole process will probably take 1 hour 30 minutes.

Oh my! 17 more classes to go in December!!
I rather just be a bum!! =D

God's Plan to kick a Bum's butt

2006-12-01T16:09:00.001+08:00

Wow, a job just pop up to me... I was just asking God what am I gonna do in Dec. Maybe be a bum. Oh well, God just opened a door for me to teach a 12 going 13 year old boy guitar. Almost every week day in Dec. Most of the days is in the morning 10am. That means wake up 8:50am most of the days to get ready and to get public transport. Spells DISCIPLINE!!

Oh well, this is great... Getting paid to do something I like doing, plus learning some discipline before going to Cambodia. At least not being that much of a bum la... Hehehe. I think He knew I was going to be a bum and spend my mom's money like water if I don't do something eventful and worth while and understand how hard it is to earn a buck! Well, He didn't literally kicked my butt and force me to accept the offer, but He did dangle the offer in front of my face. Maybe even saying, "Grow up! Time to learn what's it like to work and be consistent."

Thanks God, Appreciate it!

A Tune of Lament

2006-11-14T20:38:00.000+08:00

Still remember the day You called me, son;
How can I forget You Dad.
Though I run I cannot hide from myself, and You

Where can I run,
Where can I hide,
Where can I go,
away from You

Feel alone there's no one by my side,
Where were You all this while?
Tried to forget and leave You out of mind, in time.

Sounds negative at first, until I discovered the positive truth in it.
And then begin to be thankful to God.

Worship Leading = Worship Living

2006-11-09T19:30:00.000+08:00

Worship is for Him, to Him and about Him. And a little part of it, about us.

Worship is life, our lives should be a reflection of our worship to Him.
The foundation of leading people in worship in song, is our worship-life.
Men can not worship God and not change to be more like Him.
"We will become more like who we worship."

Can we come to a place where we can worship/love God so much that when we look at the people who are needy and poor, we can just ignore them?
Can we really love God and be so close to Him and just ignore the child by the roadside naked and hungry?
Can we truly sing songs like "we must go, LIVE to feed the hungry?".
Live to care about what Jesus cares for, to love what Jesus loves, and to walk where He wants us to walk?

Are we living a life that reflects God and His ways?
Who is reflected in your life? What is reflected in your life?

We can surely be the salt and light if we truly worship Him.
Then it's not really that hard for people to know Jesus or to know how's He like, as we are constantly reflecting Him.

Christ in me the hope of glory,
Be my everything...

Preview for our Future singer! O.O"

2006-10-27T17:44:00.000+08:00

It's her alright... Trust me! I found it in U-tube.
The music is LIVE O-cas-tra!! Forgive them, their young and adorable playing orchastra instruments.

Check this out.

P.S. Sorry I don't know how to put the video up in my blog. sigh.
So here's the URL. ;P

(Presenting Megan Mak)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rvo7HzklvrM

And a side clip, John Mayer rAwKz "NEON" (ACOUSTIC version). For all you guitar fReAkZ out there! You MUST WATCH THIS!! Even you Reuben!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzsEzD2fVwE&mode=related&search=

Please teach me how does he slaps the bass strings and plucks the melody line at the same time. Off time playing + Off time singing = GG.

Is Christ my all?

2006-10-12T23:31:00.001+08:00

Is Christ my priority?

Yea, that's a big question to ask myself.
I'm constantly tested on that question.
Is He truly my priority?
Is He all and in all?

To know Him and to be known by Him,
My one desire,
To gaze at His beauty,
My heart overwhelms with praises,
To know and truly know the extend of His love for me,
Why do I still want to sin?

We are constantly feeding ourselves everyday,
Are we feeding on junk and 'chickedies'?
Or are we feeding ourselves with good stuff?

Are we living an appropriate life?
The life that is worthy of His death?
Are we different, are we unique ?
Are we reflecting Christ in all that we 'are'?

Who we are, reflects what we do.
Who does the world see when they look at you?
If our perception of God determines how we act,
Do we know our God?
Is He mighty to save, Loving Father, Closest Friend, or a statue that is only sitting there and when we feel like it, we go to the corner where we place Him and then put our sticks of incense to feel good about ourselves, and hope He is pleased?
Are we limiting our knowledge of Him and are satisfied by what we know?

Is God in my living?
There in my breathing?
Is God in my waking?
Or when I am sleeping?

Is He in my resting?
or there in my working?
Is God in my thinking?
or in my speaking?

Is God in our laughing?
or when I'm weeping?
Is He in my hurting?
And there in my healing?

Be my everything
Be my everything, Lord.

I hate to ask tough questions like that.
And even worst, answering it with brute honesty...
but I will cease to mature in my walk with Christ.
For in Him, we have a hope of glory.

Perception of God?

2006-09-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

What is our perception of God? Is He loving? Is He kind? Merciful? Graceful?
I thought I knew Crist. I thought my perception of God was right. Well, it was, logically. I knew God as... quite a small God. I knew all the right answers and the wrong answers too. But my perception of some aspects of God I haven't fully comprehand and understand.

Until the day, God unveil my eyes to see Him as a loving Father. Until the point where I really feel God loves me so much. He forgaved me and wants to set me free from my sins. Putting me into the Kingdom of His Son.

If I see God big, I am more likely to embrace and to live big! But if I always perceive God as a small and weak God, then I'll probably live like that. We are made in the likeness of Him and called to live to enforce the kingdom of God.

Our perception of God will result in what we do and how we live our lives.

Father...

2006-09-24T18:14:00.000+08:00

He is my Father...

He really loves me,
He cares so much that He disciplines me,
Not letting me continue to dwell in sin,
Giving me a hope and a destiny.

He called me from darkness into His light,
He is way more loving than I thought of,
He is way more forgiving and full of mercy and grace,
He is Abba.

Where can I run from myself,
Where can I run from You?
Let not my heart be hard and cold,
Holy Spirit take control.

"A Father to the orphans,
A healer to the broken,
He brings peace to our madness,
And comfort in our sadness,"

"This is our God..."

Health Check Up

2006-09-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

Healthy Spiritually, Healthy Physically.
Some thing that I actually found out. I tend to naturally want to be healthier physically when I am healthy spiritually. I find myself wanting to buy Multi vitamins, going to go to gym RM50 in ss2, wanting to jog, slowly watching my diet and exercising more in general. It's linked and it's one. My physical and spiritual and mental.

Now with my new computer, I'm able to go online again! Thank GOD! I was wondering how am I going to do the worship team schedules, college assignment, and check my mails... But actually, I don't have microsoft office therefore no Word and Excel. So, I can't really do schedule and assignments anyway. I'm just checking mails.

There is always the temptation to take back my WarCraft CD from Desmond and install it into my new computer which I am using now. Sigh... Now with the faster speed and wider screen, it just promises a fresher and more exciting feel of the game, DOTA. Thank God, in LF few hours ago, I was reminded and made aware that I shouldn't do that and go back to old bad habits of getting addicted to computer games. My personal thanks to Desmond and Reuben.

I think I'm rediscovering true worship again. It was so dangerous, it really was, the past months. I find myself just singing songs for singing sake. It wasn't really directed to God although it was about God. Spending time with God is so so so important. I really cannot emphasize that more. It is so crucial in our Christian journey. In fact it is partly the essence of our Christian faith. Those were the times of refreshing and empowering to do what I do or going about God's business through the day. It keeps an awareness of God within me be it in college, with people, in church, playing sports or whenever.

I'm just praying that I'll cultivate a habit of spending time with God. Just for Him. A specific time just for Jesus to speak and for me to seek His still small voice.

Was thinking about 'issues' in my life. And I had this illustration of the desktop. Many times God bring things out of the recycle bin. But I'll just put it back inside and go on with life not dealing with those things because of my priority on "feeling good."

On Sunday, Raj shared some things and he mentioned about some of us putting a high priority on "feeling good" in life. Nothing wrong with feeling good, but when it becomes such a big thing in our lives that we don't do or act upon the things that are right and just although it might not always give a "good feeling" to it, then it's dangerous. And anything that doesn't make us feel good we just ignore or put it in the recycle bin. I can identify with what he was talking about. But knowing our priorities and doing the right thing is the way to go when most of the time it doesn't really feel good or nice. In the first place He didn't say it will be easy to follow Him, in life. It really show and emplifies how seriously we take God for who He is and what He says and what He has done for us on the cross.

cliché's?

2006-09-06T14:26:00.001+08:00

So long since I've blogged. Many things happen lately. Many personal changes and many things to learn and have learned. Too many things to blog about and so little time. But since I have 15mins in my com lab now before the next class starts, I'll just share some of my thoughts.

I'm currently reading the book of Matthew to start a regular habit of bible reading and quiet time with God every night. It's been great. Some thing that caught my eye as I was reading the part where it says seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you.
And earlier it was talking about things that we shouldn't be worried about ie. clothes, food, etc. Well, I experienced a glimps of that. As I keep my eyes on Jesus and His words, and slowly developing an awareness of Him, things just fall into place.

Yesterday night as I was reading, my mom just came in and told me that she has already talked to my bro about 2 things which is the table light for me to do my reading at night, and a new computer (coz my old one is dead). I truly appreciate those things but my heart wasn't too excited as to last time I probably wouldn't be able to sleep or something. The pass week has thought me alot about God and discovering a little more about myself. I am enjoying myself while doing what's edifying. Although not all the time *wink* But I'm so blessed to have friends who spurr me on in my faith.

UPSR just ended today. I'm sure there are many relief faces I'll see on Sunday. At least 3 I can think of off hand. Kendrick, Carmen and Jasmine. As I spend time with God at night, I was reminded of them going through their UPSR. So I prayed for them before I go to bed.

Tonight I'll be meeting Chee Mun in Sri Sinar as I forcefully find time to hang out with my non-church friends as much as possible. I kinda had an idea when the gospel of Matthew said that the Kingdom is forcefully advancing and must be forcefully laid hold of. I think it means to me that God's work is forcefully advancing in people's lives and in cities and nations. And am I going to forcefully take hold and run with what God is doing in my own life? Coz we are His Kingdom. Are we going to forcefully lay hold of what God has for us? Am I going to 'forcefully' make effort to meet up with new people that I don't normally meet? Am I going to 'forcefully' go out of my way/get out of my comfort zone to help a homeless man/women on the street? God have a big heart for the poor and the sick. Are we willing to look beyond ourselves, our comfort, even our feelings most of the time?

Just reflecting more and I just realized that I am the biggest noob one can find. I think God is stripping me slowly and pulling out the weeds carefully without damaging the good stuff. Honestly, after reflecting upon myself, take away my titles, my achievements, my goals, my all... I'm really a noob. I don't know nothing... Really. I'm just a boy in need of God's help and love. Seriously thinking, not just saying for the sake of saying, I'm nothing without God.

Is my life worth Christ death??

Futurama-rama

2006-08-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

Now, firstly... I just wana thank GOD my LORD and Saviour, Jesus Christ for helping me and giving me wisdom to not fail 3 of my papers for last semester. Which is Business Stats (failed once), Management Accounting, and Human Resource Management. Thank you!!

Now into the future, 3 more subjects to go and then........ wat??
sigh... I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'll become. I'm not sure of this 'one giant leap' I have to take soon (next year).

It's a new phase in my life, I don't know what to expect...
So... Lord, what now??

Sovereign God, Over All

2006-07-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

Leaving it to God makes me feel uncomfortable most of the time. It means I do my part and let God do the rest. I always want to be in control of my surroundings and to make sure everything goes well and smooth all the time. BUT.......

It was a scary Sunday morning. My guitar string broke, and Raj's guitar string broke too. I taught it shouldn't be a problem without the acoustic guitar. Well, it wasn't REALLY a BIG problem. But hei, to be honest, I felt awkward without my guitar.
To me, the "worship with music" wasn't really going well. Overall it felt like it's going down the nigara falls.

Well, it was quite a depressing Sunday for me, at least for the first half of the day. Just felt the devil wispering stuff to me like "you did really bad on stage, you messed up!", "you couldn't worship and the team is all over", "people are unable to focus on Jesus. Look at you, you're all nervous and tensed up!".
I, being so down just agreed with the devil and dwell on my pity party session... For a while. Then I decided to just stand on the truth and talk to God about it. I told him I just want to worship Him with everything I got and if it means looking foolish in front of everyone, so be it. As long as I gave Him all I got in an attitude of worship and praise to Him my King, no regrets.

This is one of those times as a worship leader I go, "aww man, I messed up again" kinda feeling, you know what I mean?? =.=" [...... silence]. Well anyway, later in the day I ask a friend of mine. "So... How did you find the worship in music this morning?", reply: "I think it's good. And oh, this girl told me that she feels this morning's worship was one of the best she had". O.o" [puzzled feeling]
Later that evening, 2 smses came from 2 different people encouraging me as God met with them and they were blessed. O.O" [Lagi puzzled]

Nah, I'm not here to tell you how great I did nor am I here to self praise myself. In fact I still feel a little crappy. But I just want to tell of God's sovereignity in every situation and how God cannot be put into a box or a formula. He is the Sovereign God, Over All. I'm encouraged and assured to know that. Less pressure!!

Where'd you go?

2006-06-09T16:41:00.000+08:00

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone...

Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
[Fort Minor]

God speaks in amazing ways... *Trust me.

Consistency in Christ

2006-05-15T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's been great hanging out in KDD today.
We just brought more food there and they cooked for us! We didn't expect it... The food was great! We actually have double the size of ppl that went this time and there were more ppl that wana come along but I think 6 ppl there would be ideal. Max 8... The heart is not to limit the people or to make this an exclusive club, but to actually just catch the heart of Jesus for the lost and the poor and needy and GO to where they are to bless and let justice roll on like a river and righteousness like a never ending stream. I think there are TOO many people out there that we can bless and do the same like what we're doing in KDD. And even in KDD, there are so many more houses that haven't been touched by the love of Christ yet.

Basically it boils down to a few fundamental things. When no one is watching, in the secret place where only you and God knows what's going in your mind and heart, would we still want to get out of our comfort zone to get our hands dirty with what God is already doing in people all around P.J.? Maybe even K.L.? Or think bigger if you dare.

Another thing is I'm very encourage by just talking to Des and knowing his heart for the people in Pudu, the "KAWAN" place where the drug addicts, homeless, abandoned, marginalize, oppressed, widdows etc are. And what they do is just to have a time of worship and exalting Jesus in that place and then just feeding everyone there. This is an example of Jesus's heart and ministry. Especially for this people!

I'm just overwhelmed by what God is doing in my life and in others too. God is just amazing! Now I'm just starting to understand what it means when the songs says "My soul, my soul MUST SING!" when one's just overflowing with God's love and grace, one cannot help but to praise and worship Him. Only now I'm starting to experience that worship is a response to a revelation of God. Now it's a challenge to be consistent in this walk with Christ with the help of the H.S. To daily cultivate that habit of being obedient/submiting to His will, picking up my cross and not go my own way and to have a strong personal walk with Christ. This is what is like to live a life for Christ, life to the full!

Living a CHRIST like life (Part 3)

2006-05-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

A little bit about our trip to Kampung Damansara Dalam.
Those who went:
-Me
-Si Ming
-Erb Brothers (josh & joel)

We just went there to give away some shoes. And we ended up giving up all 5 pairs of shoes to the workers there. We just came to one house and went in and gave out the shoes, they invited us in. We chat for some time and got to know them better. They are going to have their dinner, we went to Kanna Curry House to get some food and brought it to their house. God hold the rain for us coz only after we enter the hut, the rain poured heavily as we were having lotsa fun sharing food and eating together.
I just felt God was there too... It was awesome, we had such a good time there.
After we finish our dinner we just spend some more time talking and singing. Then, they allowed us to just pray for one of the woman there that has a sore throat. After praying and spending more time with them, the rain started to cool down. Then we headed back home. They invited us back there again.
To have Si Ming come was just great, they are quite conservative and since we're all guys and thank God for Si Ming that came along with us. I believe that the 3 women there was bless to just have Si Ming there to talk to them. And as we leave, when Ming just gave one of the older auntie a hug, I saw that she was just close to tears to feel such love from God flowing through Ming. It was so awesome! God was at work and we just wana join in with God. It's so much fun. But we need to get our butt out there and go. Dunno how? Just go! It's ok, I notice most of the time I analize too much until I'm paralize and I don't wana go. Some times, is just to go first, think later. It works for me most of the time, but do have wisdom even when doing so. I feel some times the "bad guy" just wants us to think and think and think of the best strategy of approch and 'know how' first before going. But I feel that most of the time I think and think, I ended up not going. With such frustration of that might happen, I just went this time. ^^

Christian life isn't boring, is how much we are willing to get into God's business and bless what He has already begun doing in ppl's life/heart. It's so exciting and enriching to live a life for Jesus. Dying to my own will and not going my own way instead, turning to Him and asking "Lord, what do you want me to do today?"

We'll be going back there on Sunday with some food supplies. It's hard as they haven't got paid yet for the 3rd month alrd. Feel so angry with the injustice that is happening to the minorities. God hates injustice. He wants to, Let justice flow like a river and righteousness like a never ending stream. Imagine, they only have sweet potatoes for dinner for all 15 of them if we didn't get food from Kanna. I believe God's heart is for the poor, minority, needy and the oppressed not forgetting the widows, kids, etc. Lets continue to live like how Christ would live by spending it with the "sick ppl that needs healing" not only to the people that are already "well", coz Christ came especially for the sick coz they are the ones that need a doctor. Coz living life for ourselves = meaningless, but living life for Jesus = Life to the full.

Anyone wana join us??

Living a Christian life (Part 2)

2006-05-12T00:37:00.001+08:00

Wow... It was a great time at Pudu today. I was just having a great time spending it with the people in "KAWAN" a place where we just went to hang out with the people there and see what God's doing in K.L. I caught a glimps of God's heart for the poor and needy. I just felt God was there with them as we enthrone and proclaim Christ as King in that place.

Before I went there I was meditating on Isaiah 58. I love this chapter in Isaiah. It talks about true fasting and what kind of fast that the Lord wants, - to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke. To share your food with the hungry and provide the poor wanderer with shelther. Clothe the naked, do away with the pointing finger and malicious talk, spending ourselves in behalf of the hungry, satisfy the needs of the oppressed. And note how much promises if we do that:
1. Then your light will break forth like the dawn
2. and your healing will quickly appear
3. then your righteousness will go before you
4. and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard
5. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer
6. You will cry for help and He will say: Here am I
7. Then your light will rise in the darkness
8. your night will become like the noonday
9. The Lord will guide you always
10. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
11. and will strengthen your frame
12. You will be like a well-watered garden like a spring whose waters never fail
Twelve... Perfect number. ;P
That's a lot of promises that God is offering to those who 'do that kind' of fasting. Basically to do what He said earlier.

And another thing I caught from this passage is at v13 onwards:
v13 If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob. The mouth of the Lord has spoken.

That passage was just a slap on my head. All this while I thought I am honoring God so much by going for Sunday service and hang out for lunch and that's enough. No doubt I am honoring God by going to gather together and worship Him on a Sunday morning, but there's just more than that to it. From DOING AS I PLEASE reiterated TWICE in that passage. Honoring it by not going your own way! Doing as you please! OR speak idle words!! I don't think I wana speak idle words on a Sabbath, if I really honor it, that is!! Notice the bible use the word "keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath". So much to do with where we go on a Sabbath, what we choose to do, what we choose to give our hearts to.

I'm more and more convicted that I can't continue living life for myself. I really want to start to learn to honor God by not going my way, but to ask and choose His way and where He leads I want to go. I want to honor God's holy day, and more to that, I want to honor God. And that means, following Him and his precepts and teachings. And that means, I'm not going to get quite comfortable with what's gonna happen these Sunday's ahead of me and more than that, every single day ahead of me. More of you Lord Jesus and less of me. Unless I die to myself and know that I no longer live but Christ who lives in me, I will probably just continue living a wasted life. Coz life without Jesus = wasted...

Life as a Christian (Part 1)

2006-05-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

Well it's been quite a while since my last post. I came to a stage I really don't know what to write alrd. But well, now I got something and I think, "why not share it?"

I think it's gona take a few parts in this topic. I'm slowly discovering what it really means to be a Christian. To really 'Be-living' in what I 'believe' in. A little of what I am going through and what God is showing me and teaching me these days.

Affirmation/Encouragement
If there's one thing I'm learning now is to think positive and not only let it remain as a thought, but to speak affirmation and encouragement to others. I'm not a natural 'positive thinking' person. There are, if I can call it "awkward moments" in my conversation with people that I'm not that close too. But that doesn't really matter. Why can't I overlook the flaws and the differences and be an encouragement to others? So much to learn from Jesus. Sometimes I am just such a critical thinker and I can easily forget about the good in people. I notice how much people are much more open when we speak/affirm/encourage the good in them, they start being and living like that. Same outcome when we speak negative of people. What can be more rewarding from watching some one we affirm/encourage/bless being encouraged and walking with their face held high and living in the truth about them.

Another observation is that people have alot of criticism/discouragement spoken to them already, DAILY. You don't have to add on to the score of discouragement people get everyday. It really isn't that hard to sincerely compliment, encourage, affirm people and to just pay more attention to them. Especially to the ones people neglect sometimes...

Why not bless what God is doing in people's life for a change? Or speak life and affirmation to what God is doing in people's life? How bout being a friend to the not so friendliable one's? With the Holy Spirit, God's grace, and our love for God, it's more than enough a motivation to do what is in His heart.

Patience for you, sir?

2006-03-11T12:24:00.000+08:00

Just going through the weeks and I find myself thinking about patience and prayed the 'silly' prayer to God asking Him to teach me patience. Boy, did He taught me well!!

Definition: The effort or will, not to pick up anger or frustration and let one's emotions run wild in any given situation. "Patience is a verb, not a noun".

Much is spoken about patience throughout the Holy Book, and I wana share some thoughts here.
1) Proverbs 15:18 - "... but a patient man calms a quarrel" <--- That my friend, is so important.
2) Galatians 5:22 - Speaks about Patience as one of the Fruit of the Spirit
3) 1 Corinthians 13:4 - Note the First thing Paul talks about love:- "Love is Patience ...."
4) 1 Thessolonians 5:14 - Be Patient with everyone

Another note is, I tried asking God, "I want patience... NOW". Err... That didn't work. ya... That brings me to my point which is:

Patience needs time to develop. It ain't a theory. It has to be lived out and put on the spot most of the time to really know whether you have it or not. I get my 'not really' daily dose of testing when I'm driving. Noob drivers can get so irritating... >.<"
Then I realize that patience is not the end of the story... It's normally followed-up by forgiveness or mercy or both. In many situations I try to think of, it normally just doesn't end with me being patient and just do nothing.

But well, over all... Love is Patient therefore love your neighbour as yourself = be patient with your neighbour and like what 1 Thesselonians puts it "be patient with everyone".

Patience is a choice, Choose Patient! =.="

My December

2006-02-24T14:39:00.000+08:00

January starts a new year
Of things I won't forget
Following the foots steps of Another
With no clue to what's ahead

Where can I run that You don't find me
Where can I hide myself from shame
Into the deepest of oceans?
Or to the highest of mountains?

You found me where I am
You stop by and lend a hand
Moving on I will remember
To let go my December

Things are not what I perceive to be
Lean back and enjoy the grapes
Growing up is never easy
All I can say is "Spirit, help me"

Where can I run from my destiny
Where can I hide my face from pain
Is this what You've called me for?
Now I'm in the "lost YET found" box

Coz You've found me where I am
You drop by and lend a hand
Moving on I will remember
To let go of my December

Moving on I must remember
To let go of my December

December here is talking about my childish ways. God is teaching me to grow-UP and growing up = more responsibilities, stress (sometimes), prioritizing, and doing grown up stuff. =P It is very obvious in my college life now. But thank God the phase is going to be over!
So here am I, in a not very nice transition to 'oldhood'/young-adult as I'll be 20... Sometimes I feel like I really can't do it. The stress is abounding and my prioritizing/time management skills is hopeless! But so far, just hanging by a moment here by God's grace. Can't wait to graduate!!

My Trip to Kluang!!

2006-02-02T00:21:00.000+08:00

Well, first things first... I didn't get to try uncle Jack's famost Coffee, Nasi Lemak and Toast bun!!

ok... The trip to klg was wonderful. It's cool to take bus alone myself, waking up at 6am going to pudu and take a large bus (with 8 ppl inside only) to klg that took approximately 4 hours. The bus fee was RM19:30. Much cheaper to take a bus there than the train that would cost RM29 or to drive which will probably cost about RM35 for toll and half a tank of petrol depending on what car you drive. That = alot of money to drive down ONE WAY! Initially I was quite nervous to go alone, but the experience was fun.

Reached there, my faithful brudder Ern Yi picked me up from the bus stop and just made me feel so at home and even paid for my lunch there as I was a "guest" in Klg. I ate at Barnie's (what a name) which speciallizes in European/Western kinda food. The food there was great! On that same day I ate there twice.

Everywhere you wana go in Kluang you can use bus no.11 (your legs). It's a small, peaceful and lovely place to be in. It's just a perfect 'getaway' place to go with the wonderful wind that comes approximately 17.35 seconds once. =P Met up with Ern Yi, had a tour by foot almost half of Kluang covered already, surprised Mae, met uncle Jack & family (Mae's family), Si Ming, Des, Zech, You Pei, Ah Tuck (Uncle Jack's best worker) and some other lovely people. Played basket ball in the evening in a lovely court and realized how much I suck already in that 'lovely' game. *sigh* And did some crazy stuff at night. zzzZZzzz -n- for the night.

Second day when and play badminton in the morning with Ah Tuck, Ern Yi, Mae and Zech. When lunch at the 3rd best chicken rice place in Klg. That chicken rice stall was so pack that if people can't wait they are asked politely to leave. O_O" The chicken rice is not bad at all. When to tim sum after that, it was good stuff. Then send Zech and Des away as their leaving early to Melaka. I when to a nice hill in Klg, forgot the name alrd... Was it bukit Beruang? lol... No, I think it's bukit Lambang with Mae, Si Ming and Ern Yi. When for a walk an injured my shin. Got a blue black there as I tried to act cool and macho by jumping across some poll thingi and end up tak jadi cross all and knocked my shin at the last poll. *ouch* When to Mae's house for dinner as her mom cooked for Me, Ern Yi, You Pei, Si Ming, Des, Zech, Charis and family... But Mae forgot to inform her parents that Des, Zech and Charis when back alrd... O_O" Me and Ern Yi, Si Ming and You Pei suffered to 'try' and finish up the food. Well, good attempt... Didn't work out. That night just when to BCB the ONLY 'mall' in Klg. It's kinda sad that day as it was the 3rd day of CNY so most of the shops were closed. When yum cha at night... -n-

Last day, woke up late... (9:30am). When breakfast with Ern Yi and Mae then say good bye's to everyone... Left for Kluang to Melaka. Arrived late (1:30pm) when straight for Chicken Rice Ballz stall (not the original, the commerciallized one). Taste of the Ballz were ok only la. Nothing really that impressive of the rice there, the original one taste really good. Chicken was good and the bill came for 8 of us and out of the 8 there was 4 girls RM118. MAHAL!! Thanks to generous uncle Rannie (hope I spelled it correctly) that paid for all of us! Thank you uncle!! Next stop, CENDOL! There was 'durian' cendol and it was just superb (durian paste with gula Melaka in Melaka) =D Head back to P.J. at 5:00++ Stopped awhile as it was too jam at one of the stop in Seremban, rested 45 minutes and headed home. Reached at 9;45pm!! The jam was insane... Poor tired Mae got to drive that kelisa with me in it, all the way back. Reached back, met up with Des and Zech for dinner at Rafi section 17. When back and as Mae drove back, she stopped in the middle of LDP to VOMITed!! The drive all the way down really was a tiresome and dizzy drive. When we reached sec.17 she was already feeling dizzy.

Now, I'm at home... Glad and thankful to be home. It was a tiring trip yet very fulfilling and fun. Thanks to Ern Yi, Mae, Mae's family, Si Ming, You Pei, Des, Zech and the rest of the lovely people I met there that completed the wonderful trip for me.
So now I'm back, kinda sad in some ways as I didn't get to taste of Uncle Jack's REAL AUTHENTIC Train station coffee, nasi lemak and toast bun as it is CNY and their closed. Was so sad... Am so sad... I WILL BE BACK TO OWN THE STATION'S FOOD!!! Tak Puas! #^$*#&^$

-n-

"Oi Mai VCD Mou?"

2006-01-16T03:04:00.000+08:00

I think I like my photo at my blog here.
Soon it'll change into something like a VCD seller Ah Beng² look.
Will probably upload a photo if I ever have a digi cam or some one could help me on this.

Oh well, this is a little something that I found, I think it's cool:

Well, only now I can put this picture up as I've vowed to quit DOTA!! Forever-ever...
I really thank God for His grace to help me quit this addiction.
Is like the longing for that 'drug' isn't there anymore.
Thanks to my friends who help me and encourage me not to go and not to tempt me too.
And mostly thanks to Him who actually make this "say no to DOTA" thing ever come true in my life.

So now nothing to do... An chua ho? What to do? Apa boleh buat? Tim miong hou?
Mai VCD lor... XD

Buy 2 free 1/2
Buy 3 free 1

Latest release:
-Ah Loong bukit beruntung VCD 9 Featuring: Ah Loong, Ah Boon, & Fei Chai Tuck
-National Geogr'apek' DVD 10 Featuring: Ah Loong & Tiny Starring: Ah Snake as Lizzard 'Cicak'
-'Cheng Mai Car' Movie clip

Own 'member' got discount.

"I will offer up my life... Ahh.... Thank God"

A small testimony for His glory

2006-01-11T14:46:00.000+08:00

I was actually grumbling that my friends didn't invite me for lunch today.
Little did I know that God has actually planned it all out for me alrd.
I was messaging a friend and venting my frustration during class as I was so hungry.
At last! My class ended at 2pm when all my friends have finished their lunches and go back to work, I was with my class mates and we all when for lunch together near my college there.

After finish lunch, I normally follow my friend "Edmund" as he is so nice to fetch me home almost every time after classes. BUT, at lunch I just ask Chun Kit (my other friend) to fetch me back. Not knowing what God has planned for him and me.

So, lunch ended and we both were thinking of what to do next... Well, since we really got nothing to do and I didn't wana suggest we go play some computer games and he actually knows that I quit alrd (but I was really tempted to suggest we go for ONE game as he is a great player, one of Malaysia's best!) but thank God, we just when to the car and head back to my house.

Then it dawn upon me that he told me he was sick with a cough. *Pause*

Have you ever been in that place where you're deciding "should I pray for him/her?", and thoughts like "what if God don't heal?" or "What if he/she rejects my offer to pray?" Ya, that was exactly what was going through my head. And a sense of 'NERVOUSNESS' suddenly just dawn upon me.

*Unpause*

Anyway, so we're in the car on the way back. And my heart beat was like a rock band playing loudly with pumping bass in the tune of "Andy Hunter's fastest Techno beat". I was nervous! Coz I know I want to pray for him but lack of faith to believe that God will work miracles in his life. (I'm ashamed for doubting Him). So here I was in his car I just prayed in my heart for the Holy Spirit to be there in the car with us and also for courage and boldness to pray for him.

We reached my house front gate and I mustered all the courage within me to first ask the question "can I pray for you?". And the responds was "for what?"............ and I said "for your cough la" and I ask "do you mine?" ahaha... I felt stupid from that moment onwards (felt I didn't know what I was doing). Thank God, HE knew what HE was doing! So Chun Kit answered "sure no problem, where got mine want this thing". Then I started as I put my hand around this shoulder. AND I KNEW HE FELT WEIRD!!! And when we pray for non-Christians, some just don't close their eyes and this guy particularly looked at me every other second as I prayed. SOOOoooOO, I closed my eyes and started to pray.

"Jesus, I pray that You'll remove the cough............... in Jesus name, Amen". The prayer lasted 12 seconds. =.="
I said thanks for the ride and took off to my house!! And I just felt really nervous:
Reason no 1. It was only 12 seconds!!
no 2. I was so nervous and he was looking at me!
no 3. What if God didn't heal / What if I just made him feel weird around me.

But I knew one thing for sure, God commands us to pray for the sick... Just pray and that's our job. The rest, leave to Him. So.... I Pray lor... Coz it's really not up to us to decide on the outcome or the result of the prayer.

*End*

It's really an adventure of faith that spells "risk" in God's kingdom. Lets continue to obey and to pray for people.
I wish I could have told you readers that "Oh, Chun Kit felt the heat on his throat and felt God's hand touching him and he was instantly healed".
But all I can tell you is that, continue to pray for the sick and the rest leave it to God.

P.S. One thing I learn from Aunty Lei Wah which I find really really helpful in Christian prayer. She spoke these words to me when talking about the church land thingi: (Disclaimer: My quotes of her words are not exactly what she said on that day, but it's the closes to the original MEANING :D )
She started off by asking me, "Do you want the church land?" I wanted to give the politically correct and smart answer so I responded "Well, if it's God's will... Then so be it". And I felt good and smart after answering that, not knowing that.... God is smarter than me. =.=" So she replied "No, do you really want the church land?" From that answer, I guess she really want an answer from me either yes or no! So I said "Well, yea... (In a not really convincing tone)". She continued "You see Joshua, if you really want the church land, you'll pray and ask God and 'fight' for it. The thing is this, if you really want it, you'll pray and pray and ask for God to give it to you... And we know that if God doesn't want us to have it, it's ok, let His will be done. At least we prayed and ask for it, and in the end, HIS WILL will be done!" So it's a win win situation. We pray for it, if it doesn't happen, it's ok coz God still have His way and if He chooses to heal, Praise God that His will be done also plus we get encouraged and blessed too.
All this taught me to pray and ask God to heal the sick, even if He chooses not to heal, for any reason, (He doesn't have to give us 'humans' a reason anyway as He is God) at least we've done our part of the command, to pray and in the end His WILL will be done.

P.s. That was a long P.S. huh?? =P

Camp! "Under Construction"

2005-12-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

Camp was GREAT!!
I really wana thank God for such a wonderful time together with friends or more like "family". This camp really gave me a glimps of what family is like.

Ultimately, praise God for everything that happen in camp. My prayer is for everyone to bring back that passion of loving God and loving one another. Feeling quite sick now as most of you would know already, on the last day of camp I just woke up with food poisoning, vomitting and a slight feverish feeling. But all thanks to God that it was the last day of camp where all my responsibilities are completed and I can R.I.P. =P On that day I felt so loved and cared for as all the youth were just so loving and caring towards me although I was kinda a "burden" to them.

Now I'm still feeling kinda lousy and sick (duh). When to see the doctor and I think the medication is working just fine. Hope I will be well asap. I think in life, what I preach is what I'll be tested on first (most of the time). So, in every circumstances, still I will sing and still I will praise my Maker and my Lord. Still will I worship Him because He is unchanging. He is worthy to be worshipped and praise in every circumstances, be it when I'm sick, sad, down, happy etc.

My prayer today is that we will begin to bring back those wonderful experience in camp back to our church/youth church. It is a new and wonderful beginning for me and I hope it is, for those who went for youth camp.

The most wonderful thing that happen in camp for me is, I got to know people better. What more can I ask for? Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

Retired... Max.

2005-12-16T02:36:00.000+08:00

Well, I think it's time to move on.
Something I hold dearly and something that I boast in.
Something that might not seem serious to the "untrained eye".
Something that I wasted myself upon, in my teenage days.
For goodness sake, I'm going to turn 20!!!
And something that I would want to put aside as I step forward looking forward to my 20's.

I 'retire' from computer games.

With the support from God my Maker and the Creator of this passionate heart.

-For those who plays Dota/computer games, please help me out here... I love you guys, I don't mean to judge or condemn anyone who plays dota or any computer games for that matter. I just want to ask for forgiveness to all whom I, might influence in to playing this game along with me. I guess in some ways I might have influence some to play Dota and various computer games wit me. Again, I ain't saying that computer games is BAD BAD BAD. I just want to move on... And I guess it would help by not inviting me for "sessions" anymore. :P~ I just feel my time is up, God has been gracious to me as I struggle through to give up my idol, don't wana take His grace forgranted. And it's time for me to move on... GG!! -

As the new year ends... So does my legacy of 'rubbish'. And I'm hoping for a bright new year ahead!

ANYWAY~~!!

Here's some photo's of Last Year's Christmas Liturgy. Enjoy :)

We started with Tribal Music to "open" the ceremony to decorate the foyer >.<"

eD to the rescue, for the high area deco's.

Last Year's album launch of "Here you are to worship" by Joshua Hughes. (hmm... Wonder how's the picture going to be like for this year's album launch... =D )

Last year's deco

And last but not least, an 'emoticon face' picture of our dearest sister who is now far far away* (with the Ci,na,pet tone)

Too everyone who reads this blog... "Merry *early* Christmas year 2005 to you". Let us not forget the ONE this party is for, as we are preparing ourselves for a wonderful day of celebration...... of Christ's birth.

Find me in the Desert

2005-11-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

I just finish reading the book "Wasteland?" by Mike Pilavachi. Very encouraging and much values to pick up from it.

Learning to keep my eyes on the "goal" which is Christ. Remembering His sufferings, blessing, mercy, grace and goodness in my life that keeps me going everyday. Knowing that the prize in eternity is much more valuable than praises from men or feeling above everyone else.
Constantly learning and being challenged to walk in Christ's humility and grace. To "lean" depend on Him. To act on what I've learned.

Ultimately, to "waste" my life on this Lover that is constantly looking down with eyes of love for me. In the words of Mike Pilavachi's friend to him: "Life's a bitch, but God is good." - agrees... ^^

As the MAIN title says!!

2005-11-19T00:07:00.000+08:00

Lord, in every circumstances... Still I will sing to You.
In the darkest night of my soul... Still I will sing to You.
In the happiest time of my life... Still I will sing to You.
When things are just normal... Still I will sing to You.

May I pledge to sing to You in all times of my life.
Not to stop the sound of praise and worship coming out from my heart through my mouth to You.
Let me never be satisfied!!

The psalm at this time of my life (Thanks Paulina)
Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for He has been good to me.

Jamban Builds Character

2005-11-13T17:22:00.000+08:00

I really thank God that I'm now currently slowly climbing out of this pit I just fell into few weeks ago, and as usual. I learn alot of valuable lessons of faith, perseverence, love, patience, and most importantly learning to control my feelings/emotions a little better. I must say it was a great time of "testing" and STILL now, going through testing on my faith of Christian faith. Er... gtg soon, will update soon. Hehehe.

Currently in Deep Jamban

2005-11-07T20:32:00.000+08:00

Yea, the title says it all...

I will remember You, yes I remember You, Lord. Thanks!!

2005-10-20T09:14:00.000+08:00

When my heart runs dry
And there's no song to sing
No holy melody
No words of love within
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped

And I remember You
I will turn back and do the things I use to do
For the love of You
Lord, I remember You
I will turn back and do the things I use to do
For the love of You

You are my soul's desire
You are the hope within
You bring my heart to life
You make my spirit sing
I recall the height from which
This fragile heart has slipped

You have an amazing way of speaking to me, Lord. And I'm truely thankful to You. Thanks!!

Spiritual Decline

2005-10-11T01:21:00.000+08:00

These few days I'm in a spiritual down phase of my life. May not appear outwards but those who know me well enough knows la. It feels like I fell into a deep "jamban" and it stinks and it's full of "crap". Just feel that the devil is just attacking me left, right, up, down, back, center and star shape angle also (*).

I am a very, totally, extremely emotional and sensitive person. This is my major weakness and strength. But for now, it's just a major weakness. I'm overly sensitive to what people say, and even some times I think of things that are not there or not true in people's mind. Sadly, I'm starting to believe the lies of the enemy and I'm starting to behave the way he wants me to behave. *I paused for 5 seconds* -I just typed out a revelation to myself!!- I guess I no longer wana believe his lies and deceit and live in that jamban full of crap, deceit, lies, gossips, slander, hatred, malice, pride, and all sorts of bad attitudes.

Sad to say that I'm one prideful person. It's sad to admit that I'm just so full of myself and I'm so prideful. I'm one that dwells in bitterness and in lies of the enemy. That glide through wickedness and unwholesome talk. Who am I that You are "still" mindful of me? Why should You be, God? How can people see Jesus and Your presence in me when I'm covered with a layer of false humility and walls/barriers of defencive system that would attack back those who "offend/critisize/provoke me", instead of loving and praying for those who I dislike and prod me? And inside me full of bitterness, hatred, lust, anger, pride and sophisticated overly emotional sensitivity? How can I even enter Your presence O Holy One?

My state of life now is exactly like a walking lamentation unto You Father. If there is a prayer or a plea to You now is, that I will lament out my sorrows and my sins to You for You to deal with me accordingly for my sins and to restore me to the state and standard that You want me to live for You again. Amen!!

Sunday service and Me

2005-10-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since we had people saved in church during worship. It was amazing! People were healed and the holy spirit was at work to "help" a sister accept Christ during our worship/communion time. It will be one of those memoriable communions we can ever have coz:

no 1. A girl accepted Christ and boldly confess it among all the people in Church on a Sunday morning just before communion time.
no 2. A woman was healed of her knee pain.

It's great because you don't really "need" a sermon after that you know... People got saved and healed and there is all the reasons to just celebrate and worship and thank Jesus for what He had done. I don't mean to be proud of the worship session or our church or to think that sermon is not needed. But more like, I was really touched and blessed seeing all that God is doing in our church as we are faithful to what He calls us to do. He really bless us.

These days, I have this desire in me to do something. But I am unsure about the thing I wana do for Him. It might just be another good motive and a spur of the moment kinda thingi. But, it might just be what He wants me to do. But, looking at the circumstances, in my natural eyes, I don't have the resources to do such a thing. Not wanting to simply jump into things, I'm giving myself until the end of this year to seek God and pray and ask Him what should I be doing for the next year and whether or not He wants me to work, further my studies, go full time, or whatever... I want the best He has installed for me.

That's all for now.

'Pei' Days...

2005-09-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

Well, this pass few days I'm feeling very "Pei" in other sense just bored, tired, letargic, moody, basically just 'down'. Mainly because I don't have enough sleep. But in all this. I told myself, in whatever circumstances, be it up or down, Still I will sing to You....

What a Fruitful and wonderful day it is!!

2005-09-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

Sunday... I just when and hang out with my friend in a park after grabbing a drink from 7-Eleven.

It was such a fruitful and encouraging time together. We were just chatting about "how are we" doing. We talked about our struggles and what is in our heart and our vision for ourselves and for the church. What can we contribute and what are we called to do. We determine to "do the right thing". Living a life of no compromise and going with the flow of Christ as our example. Since we both are men of action. We just didn't sit down there and chat. We just walk a few rounds in the park and spoke in tongues and pray for our lives, our church, our personal vision and dreams to be filter through God. Because we don't want our vision and dreams to be just another "good idea" and not God's idea. And so it begins, this journey of holiness and righteoussness my friend. Because we both love God, we want to make a change, as we see how a junk we are and how much God still hope in us and not gave up on us. We are motivated by His love and His kindess that leads us to repentance.

We want to stop gossiping, slandering, cursing, living up to people's "expectations" on us (indirectly), pulling people down, discarding our IDOLS, get rid of sins in general and INSTEAD of that, we really wana bless, uphold, encourage, built, love one another. Because He is such a holy God and because He love us so much. Because there is so much more satisfaction in following Christ and to be committed to Christ than doing unedifying stuff or saying unedifying words.

We basically had enough of nonsense and toys. "Give us a life", for Christ sake who died on the cross for us! Getting back to the basics without even noticing it. We started praying there in the field and we just thought about our church's mandate and calling to be a worshipping and praying church. And living out lives of prayer and worship unto Him. Acting out in reallity of who we really are in Christ. Not who we are in the world.

I have a vision... For people, for Christ. For our church. But I will give myself to the end of the year with much fasting and prayer to confirm whether or not this is of Christ or just another of Joshua's random ideas. (Which are mostly rubbish). I'm feeling kinda lonely to be honest. I'm feeling lonely because I feel like I'm alone in this journey of holiness and righteousness and wholehearted commitment to Christ. I know I'm not a pinch close to where I wana be. But I wana start some where. Back to the calling and basics of Christianity or Christian life:

Read your bible
Pray everyday
If you want to grow

There is just so much stuff clogging in my heart that I just feel like pouring all out. I know how I am now. And I also have a vision of how I wana be like down the road.

And the best thing was, when both of us were there at the park, I just sense the presence of God was present there. It was awesome. No such hype but plain honest people hanging out together with our aim to please the Father.
It's a journey of dependancy on Christ, faith, courage, uncompromising love, unselfishness, perseverence, and long-suffering to see Him glorified and His kingdom establish in our lives.

Anyone wana join us on this journey of living this kind of life?

Living Christian Life 101

2005-09-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

I find it tough yet fulfilling and I do enjoy it.
Times when God allow me to be tested and challenged by my own words that I speak.
Times when He allows offence to be thrown at me, and see whether I pick it up or not.
Is really hard to walk the talk. But I want to truly walk it. No matter what people will say against me or to me. I want to persevere to say I fought the good fight and run the race wholeheartedly.

It's all about living it out. Living the Christ-like Life on earth. By His principles and standards. Looking to what is ahead. Looking and keeping my eyes on Him, His holiness, authority, righteousness, adequacy, humility, love, compassion, gentleness, self-control, long suffering all through the help of the Helper (H.S.).

Learning how to seperate the sin from the person him/herself. Loving the person yet hating the sin. I tell you, it is SO HARD! And I also learning not to say certain words that is not edifying or words that "if I don't say, won't die wan". I experience alot from myself and from people that this "unnessesary" words most of the time do more damage/hurt people than building people up. I want to built and encourage and not to tear down and hurt people. By the Holy Spirit's help!!!

HELP!!!

Sunday CELEBRATION In God's Presence

2005-09-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

It was awesome. But I will not forget the prayers we had on Saturday. During practise, we as the worship team for that Sunday finished about 3:40pm and we had about 20 minutes to pray. We just cried out to God and ask God to come and set us free to worship Him with all of our hearts. To break the chains that hold us back as musicians and priest unto the Lord and to break everything that hinders us as a church, to worship Him freely just as we are, giving our best and all to Him. We were desperate and we expect God to turn up as we meet together. We prayed for the spirit of tiredness to flee and the heavy yoke that people bring to the meeting be uplifted. We prayed and expected with faith that He will show up. But we didn't know how or to what extend. He sure did turn up and sat among our praises.

God was so obviously present! One thing that is in my heart for a while is that in my church, I feel that people are like "in chains" as we find it hard to just break free to worship God freely and to the fullness. And another thing is about people judging one another about how another would worship or their sincerity or whatever. I just want to get back to the place where we worship just as we are, to Jesus and to just do or not do whatever He wants us to do.

I feel that I must guard this as I can lose sight of God very easily and fall into sin. When I take my eyes of Him just for a moment, I kinda lose my "sight", "stability" and fall short and sin. I just want to keep my eyes and ears to whatever He's doing or saying to me. I get so tired of people analysing too much and not putting whatever is in our head, and heart into our hands to work.

Let us all come to a place that we are constantly mindful that we are His priest and kings in His kingdom. Let us all be mindful that we are not coming for Sunday service and just sit and watch "the show". But we have work to do!! Together! That's the best part, doing it together unto the Lord. No one is a lone ranger or no one should be a lone ranger in His kingdom. And the wonderful part is, a glimps of the kingdom of God was previewed in my church on Sunday 11/9/2005. Where people understood and acknowledge His ruling and His reign in our lives and understood our place in His kingdom. Wow! What an awesome time together... I live to see another day ahead when God will meet us again and again and again every Sunday because I know for sure He has something to say to our church every time we meet. Let us always keep our ears in tune to the frequency of His voice.

I am truly thankful for His presence and His leadership as we all together as a church celebrate in his presence, each one having a role and a part to play in His kingdom as we gather together, let us venture into what God has installed for us as a worshipping church!

Dedicated to my beloved si'star' Sian Huey!!

2005-09-09T13:33:00.000+08:00

Sian Huey is going off soon. She's like me "tai ka che". I'm going to miss her alot although I am not close to her like others. But I know I'm gona miss her and her positive, loving, and caring character. We need this kinda people around! I'm so happy to have a friend like her. Well, I just wana dedicate this poem to her.

She is a wonderful friend to begin,
Always positive in her way of thinking,
Loving, caring and ever understanding,
She's one in a million,
She's all that!! lol...

Always there when you need to talk,
One great example of walking the talk,
Full of wisdom and strong in her stand,
Accompanied by a wonderful man, (Jon)

Well, an attempt of me being "pootic". +_-"

Best wishest from me to Sian Huey & Jon!! Have a great journey there and have lotsa fun with Jon. " But not too much" =P

Take care guys, will miss ya both... *Cries* *out loud* ;)

Welcome Home!!

2005-08-26T01:50:00.000+08:00

Well, it's great to be home. Yet to see my church on the first Sunday after I arrived back from India. I'm so excited to see all my friends and family once again. I love Malaysia!! It's been exceptionally good for me these few days when I came back.
no.1 The haze has gone down!
no.2 Bak Kut Teh was Great the moment I touched down
no.3 Reading alot (Including the bible and yet to continue reading it now I'm back)

I realize that my very good friend was "books" in India. Thank God for the bible! When I'm there, it's easy to concentrate coz there's really nothing much to be done and can distract me from reading. Now when I'm back here, there are SooOOooOo many distractions everywhere! I think it's a greater challenge to keep my reading habits and also what God thought me there back to where I am now.

I realize how important to have a daily dose of the bible. It keeps me sorta "steady". My spiritual walk doesn't fluctuates too much and there is more consistency when I read His word especially daily. I realize how easily I can sway away and take my eyes off God when I don't read. Now I can truly agree that reading the bible is like feeding your spiritual body. I need to eat to survive! And I need to eat daily.

I now really appreciate the comfort of my house's air-cond. From the day I got back until now, every night I've been thanking God for the air-cond. ahahaha, so weird. Some things that I take forgranted.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY DESMOND!!

2 FOOLS in India~!!

2005-08-22T11:11:00.000+08:00

We missed the flight....

Signing out
-The Fools in India-

Chidambaram Trip!

2005-08-14T15:56:00.000+08:00

I find busses in India and Malaysia quite bias to short people. It's not nice being tall and having so little or no leg space at all. Put yourself in my shoes. Being tall = my shoulder is higher than the rest. There are 3 people sitting in a row. On my 6 hour trip I have been a shoulder rest to a guy for approximately 3 hours. The scary thing is, he consciously tilt his head and nicely lean and make himself comfortable on my shoulder as though my shoulder was his pillow. I feel gay. I'm not gay. I just felt gay for a moment. "................." I just knew him for 1 day, and he is also 19 years old. The disadvantage of being tall to short people in busses that are so uncomfortable for tall people. I just thank God I got a seat to sit in there for 6 hours.

There are approximately 400+ kids there in the center consisting of 6 tuition centers combined together. All Hindu kids. And their going to pray for the nation... hmmm... I wonder how does that work. :/
Their a bunch of playful and mischievous kids. It's like impossible to get them quiet for a minute. The pastor there has a great heart for these kids. He really love them and care for them. When there to video cam some stuff and took lotsa pictures that drained out 5 pairs of batteries. About 100+ pictures. Shared some songs there with the kids. The place does not have any instruments except a set of a trio-conga combination.

Stayed at the hotel we booked for a day. It was me, pastor Densing and Asyok Kumar. We arrived there at 5am and got some sleep from 6am-8:30am. Then left for ministry. Came back around 5:30pm. Got some rest then off for dinner at 8pm. Ate roti channai that is 1/3 of the actual size in M'sia but it came in 4 pieces. About RM 0.23 cents a piece. And I had chicken 68. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHAT'S CHICKEN 68 SUPPOSE TO BE! Dun ask me. Anyway, it taste like nice tandoori kinda fried chicken which is boneless and served chopped into 8 juicy 3.5x3.5 cm pieces with tooth picks stuffed into them to make the eating process easier without getting ur hands dirty. But WHO CARES about getting your hands dirty on it coz it's alrd dirty! Then the next day about 5 or 6 am I when to the toilet and "let it out". It looks exactly like the chicken curry I ate. *disgust*

Prayed for the pastor there at Chidambaram before I left. And then back to the bus stop to get another 6 hour journey of being a shoulder rest to Asyok Kumar. It's like a constant gym work out for 6 hours. My leg was being pushed every where and I need to keep it in the middle. (To those who are not very touchy, NOT advisable to take bus rides) I'm constantly rubbing against my left and right passenger by my thigh and shoulder and arms. It wasn't a pleasent bus ride but a very good experience for me... aha...

Came back home on Sunday 4:30am. Simon was so nice to leave the lights on and waited for me to come home. I feel loved... :D
Slept until 10:45am then got ready to go to the Father's house for service (Simon left earlier) and IT SO HAPPEN as I enter the gate near the Father's house, I bum into Kim, Simon, Ethan and Varathan in the 4x4 waiting to leave for shopping before I even enter the Father's House. IT IS DESTINED for me to tag along. THANK YOU LORD! So, they just ask me to come in and lets get going. When and bought some shirts in the cotton house. SooOOoOO CHEAP!! Oh my!! I got a nice shirt fully cotton for like RM10.90. One of Simon's shirt cost RM7.90. And I bought 1 3/4 pants for myself. My FIRST 1st 3/4 pants in my life! hohoho...

And the bonus is the juices. Oh my gosh... It was excellent for less than RM2 for 100% mix fruit juice with sugar. It was thick and I mean ThIcK! So Good! I had 2. One mix fruit and one sweet lime juice. The sweet lime taste a little like orange. It looks like orange too, but only green in color. Then we stop by the hyper market to get some "comfort food" according to Simon. Basically junk food. :P We shared to buy 2 mango juice drink and 2 packets of chips and soap.

Mommy Margaret will be arriving tomorrow night at 8:30pm. Can't wait to see them! More familiar faces with similar "lah" slang! And they have a special room just made ready today at the roof top of the Father's House. Very windy and nice place. I so jealous.

Anyway, I'll be back in a week time. I can't wait to see more familiar faces. I've been looking at pictures back home and also short video clips of stuff back home by my brother's NEW camera! I also jealous... hahaha... Contented is the word for me to learn now.

That's a wrap! Cheers...

Praise Ye The Lord

2005-08-10T22:52:00.000+08:00

The righteous will live by faith.
Meaning that, I'm righteous because I have faith in God who made me righteous not by my strenght. So meaning having faith in God and looking at Him and His righteousness and He declare us righteous because of our faith in Him and His righteousness... I feel so dumb only to realize something like that now. >.<"

I was lying down on the beach this evening as KLTI (in M'sia) was going on. (Man I feel like I've missed so much by missing those classes). And talking to God and then felt distress... Weird, being with God feeling distress. Hahaha, then He just whispers to me... When calamity/disaster/tragedy/mishap/misfortune or what ever bad things or feelings or things that will make me worry and stress. Take a DEEP breath, and know that He is God. And also, when things happen, especially the bad stuff... "Praise ye the Lord". kekeke...

We really touch the Father's heart even though "bad stuff" happens to us, we still will sing the song "When the tears fall, still I will sing to You". Dispite what may transpire or occur, that I will count it all joy and thank God that I'm worthy of His calling. Especially when I stand up for my faith in Christ be it in college, mamak stall, home, with friends or anywhere.

"Praise Ye The Lord"

The Movie In India

2005-08-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

We (Me, Simon, Meeri (Varathan's brother), Kim and Ethan when to the cinema for a movie last night. We when there expecting that no one will watch a English movie entitled "Be Cool". Yea, I know what you're thinking. "We're kinda outdated here."

It was so cool, I took a picture of us in the cinema. Actually Meeri took it. Anyway, we when there on a "tuk tuk" or more like the "auto" with 3 wheels and no door kinda small motor thingi. 5 Of us plus the driver was in that small mini "auto". It was alright actually. Quite fun ride, not to mention, Scary!

So we reached there and guess what? The movie tickets were SOLD OUT! And we're so sad. BUT the miracle happen, one guy told us about ppl asking the manager and getting tickets from him. I'm like, well, it's worth a try. So we when up to the manager's office and there were 3 other people besides the manager and Kim just dash in and say, something like "Hi, manager. We are foreigners and we wana watch Be Cool but it's sold out." He said "oh ok, two tickets?" Coz he saw me and Kim only. But then Kim continued "No, 5 actually." And he when "FIVE? oh ok..." And he wrote a note... We gave it to the counter and paid up and we got the LAST seats in the whole cinema and it's like the balcony/on top and it when all the way back.

Another cool part was, the seats were all leather and the air-condition was cold. The seats were all "couple seats" if I can say coz it's all 2 seats-in-one kinda seats like the GSC GOLD Class seats in Mid-Valley. (I heard it was like that, never been in Gold class b4 though). Simon didn't like those leather seats but I did. Anyway, I just realize that Be Cool was REALLY A COOL SHOW! For me, when I watch movie I come with "0" expectation. Not negative nor positive. I don't read the reviews nor really pay attention to friends telling me what movie's good and all. So I find it awesome. All were funny. And I didn't know The Rock was acting and also many other characters. HAhaha... Shows how blurr I was when I came to watch that movie. Only at the end when the credits came out I found out that that guy was The ROck! oh cool!

Anyway, about half way through the movie, suddenly a note came up and the lights were turn on and the movie stopped and there was quite a loud *BOOM* sound and suddenly, most people left their seats. Only to know that there was a toilet break in the middle of the movie. I knew that alrd but these is for the benefits for those who didn't know. I think it spoils the flow and waste time. I think it was like 10minutes break. Gosh! Then the movie came back on and we happily watched our wonderful show. Which I think Simon like as well... Kekekeke....

ONLY to know that it was 12:45am when we when out of the movie. (which is like 3:15am in Malaysia). And tomorrow (which is today) we have to wake up at 6:30am to get ready at 7:30am for the next day Sunday's service. Well, I can only say everyone faces trade-offs. And we didn't wana watch it on Sunday night coz Ethan would be gone to Sri Lanka that afternoon. So kinda for the good of all of us to watch together on that Saturday night.

Ok, I'll try and keep the post's short.

I found out part of our daily schedule. Monday 6:30pm-7:30pm we will be going to the slums. Same goes for Tuesdays. And probably daily we or I think I will be going to the Amazing kids kindergarden in the morning. And the other activities are like:
Saturday: Morning service, then teach guitar.
Sunday: Sunday morning service then teach guitar.
The kids have service EVERY night at 8-9pm (Around that time). And they are really prayer warriors! Amazing watching kids praying for the nations and each other and loving and caring for each other like a family.

P.S. I'm kinda use to India alrd. But still waiting to come home. Miss you guys! Take care, bears! Whahaahaha That's so lame. "And this is just for kicks." Simon made a superbly dumb yet uberly funny joke when we were trying to make up some poetic rhyms. Whaahhaa... "And Next year, er... No Fear" Yea!!?!?!

I still can't believe I finish a book in 2 days... o_O"
Love you guys!

Revelations in India, Chennai.

2005-08-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

I am so thankful to God for so many revelations that He is willing to show me in this missions trip here in India, Chennai. It is truly His grace and mercy that He still chooses to show me a little "revelation" to help me grow in Him. To others, you might alrd know this. But for me, it makes all the difference. But if you read it and you're blessed, I'm happy for u.

One of the first revelations was "He wants the best for me". Why then I shouldn't trust Him? Why shouldn't I not trust Him for the best for me? Why then must I make decisions (then only ask Him) "so which out of my decision is a better decision?" Why then I want to make my own decision and get 2nd best of what He has plan for me? It was a comforting yet provoking revelation to me.

Another one was "He will never leave me nor forsake me". Comforts and assures me that He is there whether I'm in Malaysia or India or anywhere in the universe.

Another one was when I was reading the book by Jack Hayford "The Heart of Praise". It says in one chapter entitled "The beauty of holiness". I always wonder and question God, what are You talking about? The beauty of holiness?? Then I came to a realization that "we become who we worship", like in the bible talking about the people worshipping Idols and someone said that they will become just like the Idols. And therefore when I worship God I become more like Him, in HIS holiness, I realize how "unholy" I am, but I must realize that I must abide IN HIM, and HE IS Holy! (not looking at myself). That's the beauty of God's holiness.

Another realization is "The Pride of False Humility". False humility is a form of pride. God in His kindness open my eyes and heart to this realization that:

[I am small, but i must learn to abide in Him without looking at myself. I can't hear from Him and speak for Him if I'm looking at myself. I will always be inadequate. I will always be unworthy for what He called me to do, BUT it will never be my adequacy or worthiness that causes HIM to use me. I must not look at my inadequacy, but look to His adequacy. I must stop looking at my own unworthiness and look to His righteousness. When I am used, it is because of who HE is, NOT who I am...] (Thanks to Rick Joyner's book "The Call" the continuation of "The Final Quest". I borrowed ps Anton's book to read.

I need to continue to abide/look/fix my eyes on Him without being self-conscious or self-absorbed. (Just like how Peter when he was walking on water, looked away and starts to sink)

When I began to complain of how inadequate I am, it shows that I am not looking to God. I'm looking at myself more than Him. This is the main reason why He is able to use so few of His people for what He desire to do. Because we humans look at ourselves most of the time.
I pray that I will not fall into the trap of false humility (pride).
Yes no doubt that we ARE small and weak and unholy when we look at Him who is holy and big and strong. Realizing that is not the end to the story. But abiding in Him, fixing our eyes on Him not on who we are but to who He is will make it easier for God to use us when we realize it is nothing about us at all that we are able to serve Him in anyway or do anything at all.

This is "one" of the reasons why the church now is not like the church in Acts. Is not because the Holy Spirit then is stronger than the Holy Spirit now in our lives. It is not because of the difference in age, gender, words, or looks. But one of the reasons is because we tend to look at ourselves too much. I myself always look at myself and not abiding in who I AM is. Once we realize and really know who I AM is and obey the voice/prompting of the H.S. and not putting Him in a box and limiting Him in anyway, then I don't see why we can't be like the disciples of Jesus back in the church in Acts.

Thanks to our God Jesus Christ for revealing a little bit more to us/me. Pray that I will continue to walk in Him fixing my eyes on Him not on myself. And to learn to listen and obey the voice of the H.S. Amen.

Some Photos of India

2005-08-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

These are some photos from Jack's camera, coz he has the cable to download it to the computer. So, just some. XD

This is China Town Restaurant. They serve good Chinese food. Better than the other places we've been. From left: Mervin, me, Simon, Varathan, Jack, Ethan and Kim.

Me giving the fair-well Ice-cream that I bought for him the day that he is going to leave. I think the ice-cream cost RM2.50. (Walls) lovely. We were at the beach near where I stay about 5 minutes walk.

This is the gift shop I when to buy the "expensive" stuff for some people back home. (no money to buy for all, sorry)

This is the famous music fountain in Mysore (Thanks Simon for correction). Very nice place... And God made the rain stop for us to go and watch the fountain. If not, we probably will miss this treat. Coz it was raining kinda heavily when we reach there and Ethan prayed earnestly and God answered his prayer. Hahaha....

Now we're talking "Missions Trip"

2005-08-01T16:26:00.000+08:00

It's really great! Simon made me realize that "this IS THE Missions trip" that we normally talk about. Staying long enough to know the culture and to adapt and to be with the people. It's more free and not everyday rushing to meet adjendas and activities. It's so refreshing to know that missions trip is like this.

Note: I love those short term 7 days missions trip where we do lotsa stuff and bless ppl and some times 7 days is all we need and can give to go overseas. I think it's because of the previous experience that brought me to realize "only now" that missions trip is "not" like bombarding ppl with adjenda's and programs and striving to fulfill them. I like and am feeling how the team felt in Cambodia.

But this missions trip to me, is different. It's just so relaxing and not too taxing. Kim (A "quai lou" missionary said) "You can just go about doing your own thing and when they need you, they'll call you. Which I think that's the culture here in the Father's House. But for me, I didn't feel I did much and I feel kinda bad because I didn't do much for this trip then other trips. But when Pastor Anton told us that "your presence here makes a difference to the kids alrd" it relief me right away. *phew*

I think it's more like daily doing a little bit and more time to hang out with the locals and get to know them is much more a blessing then to rush programs after programs, wake up BOMBARDED PROGRAMS then zzzZzzzZZ.
I kinda feel how mommy Margaret felt when she when to Cambodia. It's so much more relaxing and no pressure to perform or anything. What I know, I give. My life here speaks louder than what I do, and what I do is the result of who I am in Jesus and my love for Him.

I'm so much refreshed from this missions trip. I love it here. Getting use to the culture and adapting to the food and life-style. But still haven't fully get use to it yet. hehehe...
I'm so blessed to be able to come here. Is such a wonderful experience for me.

I love the kindergarden here where we teach. The kids are so adorable and cute and lovely. And I feel so loved and great because when the kids get use to me, I just feel like a father to them. It's lovely. I learn a little Tamil here too. That's great when u can spend 1 month with the ppl here in India. It's AWESOME!

I think I wrote alot alrd. That's enough for now. hehe... Take care guys in Malaysia. Miss you guys alot!

-n-

God is so SO AWESOME! and about my trip in India.

2005-07-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

Woke up today, wash my clothes, sun them, wash up, and took a walk to the beach which is like 5 minutes walk from our house.

At the beach, just spend time to worship God and sing to Him songs and praise Him for He is worthy. Did some reading by the beach too. I bought 2 books here for exactly RM10 ONLY! One entitle Humility and the other by Jack Hayford called The Heart of Praise. After some reading and singing of songs and thinking, I'm just so amaized by God and His creation and splendor. He is so So extremely wonderful.

After spending like 1 and a half hours at the beach, I walked home. Wash my feat, And did more reading on the "worship" book. I am SO amaized (I can't express how I feel deep inside me now), I'm so so glad I bought the book. SO Many things I learn about worship and praise from it. And the BEST thing about it is, it's SO appropriate for me now in my life and the church. I feel everyone should just grab that book and read and understand it. It's so helpful and useful. Whenever I read a book, (normally I don't read) I just love to read books about worship, it really excites me and teachest me so many things and confirms so many things in my life that I'm learning in my walk with God.

You know what's so awesome? God is the same yesterday, today and forever. The book is written in 1992 and the things are the same and applicable through generations because God never changes same for His word. It's really been a fruitful time with God this morning and afternoon.

I got this revelation, God wants the best for me. God wants the best for me! So, why I always wana have my way when His ways are perfect and Best for me? I love Him... He's just so good and great! I feel that if I take a plane back now, it's worth it alrd the time I spend here and all. But I know that there is more to learn and more to God and more to give. I feel so blessed as I worship God. It's like a by-product as I worship Him, I'm blessed in return. The book also answers alot of my questions about worship, like the phrase "worship the Lord in the beauty of His holiness." It explains just enough and so profound. I must be careful not to make the book another "idol" instead of God.

I really thank God and the people whom blessed me financially or however to come here. I'm so so blessed. Thanks! God is really moulding me and my character and all. I love it!

OK, about my 2 day trip. Me, Simon, Jack, Ethan, Mervin, Kim and Varathan when on a trip to Bangalore. It is a 7 hour drive west ward from Chennai. Then we when on deeper another 3 hour to visit some beautiful water fountain park. Stayed the night there in a hotel, ate in the hotel rooftop. Beautiful scenary and lovely dining experience in conjuntion with Kim's birthday we had red wine and she had white. Hotel and the food there is kinda cheap.

The stay was great, the next morning we heard many ppl screaming and talking loudly beside us, because there was a cinema beside where we stay. And the people line up at 6am there to get the latest show tickets. And made alot of noise of course. After washing up and checking out, we when for breakfast in another restaurant RM4 for a buffet kinda breakfast. Awesome toast because I can't taste toast for some time. Drove 3 hours back to Bangalore right after breakfast. Bangalore is like an American shopping place, not much authentic Indian stuff. Bought some stuff there. Ate KFC there, the chicken taste the same, but they don't have mashed potato and the bread is different. Don't have beef burger and have vegetarian stuff. After that shopping, drove back 7 hours. Stop half way for dinner at 10pm at "China Town restaurant" it was the BEST Chinese restaurant so far Jack and Ethan and Me and Simon has eaten in the places we when.

Jack and Ethan are Taiwanese, Jack 19, came to India by himself staying for 3 months [Leaving this sunday] (so brave), Ethan (age u have to guess when u see the photo) came to India by himself staying for 6 months. Me and Simon, staying for 1 month, I'm like... WHAT IS 1 MONTH compared to them who came ALONE and staying for 3-6 months. lol... So they said it's the best Chinese food they tasted for this 3 months stay so far.

Thank God coz I'm feeling kinda sick the pass 3 days, today (due to jelakness of Indian food is kinda the main reason). I woke up and I feel very well. THANKS to all of you who prayed for me and Simon. My stomach feel kinda grumpy most of the times, I couldn't eat my usual portion and Simon is eating way much more than I would have eaten back in Malaysia. Gosh! But thank God I'm alright now and feeling healthy. I love the experience here... Like what eD sensed before I came, that it might be tough but I will learn alot from it and grow in God. Been quite a TOUGH time... But I believe there is more to come and I'm goin to learn from it. Dowan to waste the hard time experience and be stubborn.

Oh yea, my hand phone credit habis liow! So, those who sms me, (Desmond, sorry couldn't reply u and Hwee Pheng too) sorry ya, couldn't reply. Will reload asap. And the money we have is sufficient for us, thank you all who blessed us with the money. Really appreciate it and I believe God will bless u in return to bless more.

Reach back to Chennai, our house and slept at 5am Malaysian time, here 2:30am. Mosquito as usual abundance, but getting use to it la. Can't wait for Mommy Margaret and Michale Lam to come here. Time some how flies slower here. I think it's because we wake up early and sleep early. We wake up normally at 8am, sleep before 12am. Wana call my mom and tell her I'm alright here and all. But no more credit and my mom isn't back from Korea yet. So, if anyone could pass the word to my mom can tell her I'm safe and kinda steady here when she comes back, that would be nice.

When I'm away alone or with simon which equals to = alone anyway, haha... jk jk, I really learn to be independant God becomes really real to me as a Friend and Father. And I also learn a little more about the importance of knowing His word and making it life to me everyday.

So many songs in my head, the song "Wonderful Maker" is really very real to me here. Especially wonderful when I'm at the beach worshipping Him. He's so beautiful, the beach is not really clean but to know He created the sea, waves and all is just awesom. I also love to sing the some "Magnificent" when I'm at the beach. Love the beach and house when I'm alone especially.

Last words, yes, I'm doing my KLTI home work. And I miss you all. I believe when I come back, I'll learn to appreciate you all more and the things in M'sia more too. To the guys, don't dota so much but spend time with God is awesome! To the girls, you're all good... lol... I'm learning alot from the 2 books and from my walk with God here in India. Exciting, we're great. Surviving by His grace. Can wait to meet you all when I come back.

P.S. oh btw, the kids here worship and pray everyday at 8pm-9pm like that for many many countries and Malaysia too. And they worship and pray fervently. Kinda mind blowing to see young girls worshipping and praying so fervently daily. Do keep praying for Me and Simon as we're here.

Prayer points:
1. To have God's plan and will be done not ours.
2. To walk daily with Him serving and loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.
3. To bring this burning fire for Jesus back to M'sia
4. To always keep us humble and teachable at all times
5. To not be fussy for our comforts but to adapt.
6. To be a blessing to the people in India
7. To not spend our money unwisely

Love,
Joshua Tong
(Reporting from India, Chennai) :D

-n-

Third Day in Chennai

2005-07-27T15:42:00.000+08:00

Slept well. It was wonderful with the mosquito coil and spray (thanks raj)
Well, woke up at 8:50am, wash clothes, sun clothes then off to the Father's house for some breakfast.
-When to the slum area to visit the kids there in the school.
-Prayed for the teachers and kids.
-The weather is sunny.
-Air is kinda dusty.
-People are lovely.
-We start our ministry.
-Pls continue pray for the two fools here.

Today at around 4pm we will be going to teach drums along side the "music master". Cool name they give those musicians. (I wana be music master too) XD <0---- no.

It's 1:10pm here. Malaysian time 3:42pm. Take care everyone, pls continue to pray for us. We need your prayers.

Can pray for:
-People to understand us when we speak
-More of God and less of Joshua and Simon
-To have the skill to relate to children and entertain them :P
-God's guidance
-Sensitive to the Holy Spirit
-That God will impact the community here
-That we will be able to survive =P
-That we will be servants to the ppl here

Thanks all.

-n-

2nd Day in Chennai

2005-07-26T17:51:00.000+08:00

Not really that much to do. When to the kindergarden and kinda start to get to know the kids.
There's this one very cute girl, her mom is Malaysian and dad is Indian. Looks more like Malaysian. She speaks good english and very good Tamil.
Auntie Lei Wah is WELL KNOWN EVERY WHERE!!
We go this place we say M'sia they ask us "Lei Wah?" we're like, "yea yea, same church". Wah! Auntie Lei Wah set such high standard for us, now feel so insignificant. lol... She love the kids, know how to handle kids, and been a really good testimony. We hear them talk about her and the team and what they did and I listen and think to myself "aiks, I can't really do that." :P

Weather today is kinda hot, yesterday sleep then wake up sleep then wake up. I think got about 5-7 times I sleep then wake up. Next morning see so many red spots/dots on my hands. Probably mosquito bites. *sob sob*
But probably will get use to it in a week or so.
I got handphone number in India alrd.
hehehe, can contact me at.... er... forgot my number, can ask desmond or raj.
That's all for today.

-n-

First day in chennai

2005-07-25T21:50:00.000+08:00

Weather is good and the people the same.
Love the food. (Eat with hands, I'm noob in that)
Simon is good.... Still alive, tolerating with me. XD
Learning to wash our own clothes (more like soak them)
Found out the sad thing that Simon's guitar is much nicer to play and sounds much better than mind!! ARGH~! Sad but true... grr... :P

Nothing much to be done in the first day though.
It rainned while we were singing and worshipping in our room.
It's fun here as in, it's different and I'm learning to be independant.
Miss you guys.
Will report more as I go along day by day. :P (If got time la and if can upload pics lagi bagus!)
For now, it's cool and it's exciting. I was quite nervous in KLIA and all. But now better. kekeke.... Take care all. BYEZ!

-n-

I know what you did last Christmas!

2005-07-21T19:15:00.000+08:00

This is the beginning of the CrAzYness in us! Outside Kayu Nasi Kandar at 5am. Hmmm.... After Christmas Liturgy. XP People started to go all crazy! It's not my fault, REALLY!!!

The SnaKEeEEeeeeyyyyyyY Pose by all of us er, except for the missing buaya taking the photo of his prey!... SssssSs *Gulp*

Then the FissSsshhiIeeeE (eeekk) Face except for the PROfessional fish-face dude who is taking the picture. (If you would notice before there are many "Clay Fishes" right outside the front of Kayu Nasi Kandar shop in SS2 shooting out water like a fountain from the mouth) So this is our gila attempt to imitate that!!

Heard of Ju-On in the lift??? *Eeepp*

That's all folks, just felt a little random. kekeke... Beaware for the next upcoming EvEnT! You might be caught unaware... hohooh...

Healthy Living & Chennai Trip

2005-07-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

Not been eating well these few days. Too lazy to walk out to buy my lunch. End up eating dinner only. So much for Healthy Living :P

The scary thing now is, Chennai is just 4 days away. And I'll be away from EVERYONE!!!! EXCEPT!!?? s i m o n.... It's going to be a long "weekend" for me. One part of me is excited and another is scared. I really wonder how am I going to survive without my mom and friends with only.... s i m o n........ and HIS guitar..... hmm.... Wahahaha... (Laugh of sadness)

Well, I hope I can continue eating healthy in Chennai (India) when I'm there.... with simon.... So.... LIFE IS GOING TO END!!!!!!! It's THE END!!!! @#^@)#$&^@)#&
Just kidding... :P

I think I'm just overly excited. =.="
I just hope and pray I come back a change person.
I hope I won't miss you all much. Although I know you all won't miss me much anyway, grr... :P
I just wana say, if I never come back.... I want my guitar to be delivered there!!! And I mean it! Ahahaha.... I mean it. *stun*
I hope there got some sort of KFC in case I miss chicken too much.
I hope I have sufficient funds for the month. (Spend wisely, so don't expect anything back from Chennai u greedy ppl.) wahhahaa.... jk jk
From today onwards, I really wana spend as much time I have with all of u. Before I leave... *Cries*
Oh ya, must remember to pay my tithes before I go. :)

Love you all. If I got connection there and can blog and write mails I most probably will give updates and my journal probably will be my blog lor. kekeke... :P

-n-

Addictions

2005-07-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

The addictions that starts with the letter "G"

a. Girls
b. Games
c. Gold
d. Glory
e. Guitars
f. the "G" chord

Life is full of addictions. Must be constantly abide and keep our eyes on Him. Going Chennai soon. Thank God that there are so many people that care for me and Simon. Feel so loved and taken care of. Thank You!

When Will I Be Satisfied?

2005-07-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

When I'm weak, You said You are strong
in me, when I'm feeling all so wrong
I run, to the place where I belong
and found, nothing

Broken I come,
to drink of Your waters of life,
But the irony of it all,
I thrist and hunger for more

When will I be satisfied?
When will I be satisfied?
When will I be satisfied?
When will I be satisfied of You?

At times, I seek, knock and fought
To save, my faith that's just a thought left
Within me, knowing there is more to life with You

"Never give up" this phrase that I'm still clinging on too
Hanging by the elements of faith, of grace and of truth

Well, this is not the usual Josh kinda song coz it's quite "not me" if I could put it that way. But you might differ. It's more a mixture of Cold Play chord progression. (Darn, I can't seem to find a chord progression of my own. All also got some song related to it.) But the melody is totally different just the chords used quite similar. But I didn't expect something like that to come from me.

This song is also inspired by the song "Tea & Sympathy"by Jars Of Clay.

There's this 2 man band that I love who are called the Kings Of Convenience. Both of them uses acoustic and orchestral instruments. And their songs are mainly acoustic kinda feel. So simple yet so nice! http://www.kingsofconvenience.com <---- Check it out if you wana hear a sample of their song. I really wana get their album. Nice...

And You move me AGAIN!

2005-07-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

Move Me
Michael Gungor and Israel Houghton

And You move me
Just when I thought that I had it all together
And You move me
Just when I thought things could not get any better

I am ready come and move me once again
I am ready come and mvoe me once again

And You move me
Closer to You closer to Your heart
I see clearer so much clearer than before
And You move me

And You move me
From the comfort that I've come to know and love
And You move me
To experience the sovereignty of God

Come move me once again
Come move me once again

I love this song. Not only the music sounds really awesome, but the lyrics spoke to me. I think that is what God's doing in my life. Just when I'm getting a little comfortable, He "kicks" me or move me to another phase which is like moving to a higher level of difficulty in a game. Going through life without much of a feeling of God's tangible presence or I think not at all.

I ask God last night, Saturday night. I couldn't sleep. Really couldn't. I ask Him to assure me that I'm in the right track. That I'm going the right direction. Then some one told me this. "Joshua as you led worship last Sunday, I just saw this word brokenness. I believe that God wants to use your brokenness to bless people for His glory." I'm thinking to myself "THAT'S exactly it!" And this person first time give me this kinda word wan. I don't really know her. From my church. Ai Mei if I didn't get her name wrong. I really thank God that He cares for me and sends people beside me to support and love me and assure me and be real family and friends that I can belong.

Oh btw, tomorrow is my exam. First paper accounts. Then next paper not sure. hohoho... Please pray for me.

Yea, I'll be going to Chennai, India. Yes, I bought my ticket in faith and all. But I always believe that if God wants me there, he will provide. And pls... Money isn't an issue in God's kingdom.

I'm going to miss all of you. I'm really going to miss you all. I love to be with you guys. The missing part is already taking place now. Man, I must get internet connection there so can report back and tell story. :P Hope you guys do well, and keep on walking with God whole heartedly. Scary got to do KLTI homework there man. Stress, go there give give give I really dunno what to expect man. All I know is that His grace is sufficient for me even when I'm really feeling like I'm going to die.

Well, I think I better sleep now. It's getting late and I have to wake up 7am+ tomorrow, mom fetching me to college to go exam. Lord, I pray that I'll do my best. And I ask that You help me. I pray for Your favor to be upon me. Help me always be humble and teachable in all I do, I wana honor You. Amen.

Special thanks to these people during this period in time: Eddy for much transportation so helpful and faithful and teaching me much valuable stuff. Alan, who was with me doing my English thesis and just to be with me. Your company is much appreciated. Miow Mae Mae for just being THE ultimate cat. Thanks for the sweet caringness in you and also Yunika. Thanks for caring. Kenneth for helping me in my badminton and getting me back in my form and offering me more than what I could expect by letting me join him in his "training sessions". Desmond for the nice Pinang makanan. Janelle for going through all the trouble with getting all the visa's and the air ticket ready for Chennai. Simon for helping me for my special which is next week and the person I'm going to be with the next month. Just wana appreciate all those who post comments in my blog and encouragement and correction to me. I really thank God for you guys that makes me feel that I'm not alone in going through my life. I thank God for His love for all of us and I pray that together we all will grow and know a little bit more about Him.

Speak Life or Speak Death?

2005-06-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

Well, going to be my final exams. Got to get my butt workin hard! I love hanging around people who longs for true friendship and being family/community. I just wana place where we can chat and tell of our stories and pray for one another and love one another, speak into one another, bless and uphold one another and we all get blessed and feel God in action. A place where it's safe and people are open because we all know that when I share something, the rest is here for me kinda feeling. They are not here to criticise me or kick me when I'm down, but more like uphold, lift, encourage and built one another up. To rebuke and to speak life.

I got a few experiences with that kinda environment. It's really a wonderful thing to bless and encourage others because I myself am blessed. And to know that when I'm in trouble, there are people there for me. It's a very "nice feeling" if I can put it just simply.

Speaking life is such a wonderful and encouraging, uplifting, thing to do to others and even myself. Knowing that our words carry such weight in heaven and on earth because we are sons/daughters in Christ. Such a simple blessing or encouragement can really bless and encourage someone. I will never know how much I have blessed someone (unless got feed back la) but as I speak life to others, I know that God will do something. Same goes for curses. I must jaga my mouth la of what I speak. Some things are just better to shush then to blurt out. Some words are "reflex" words and those words that come out from the abundance of what u feed your mind with that goes to your heart. (Don't take my words for it, only some cases are like that) But reflex words can discribe who you really are sometimes.

I'll end with the scripture from Colossians 4:6 :+Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.+:

Me and Mom

2005-06-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

Yea! Mom's always right... I think my mom is a great woman. Yea, every mom is. I just need to learn from her. Suck all the good stuff and throw away the ugly. Just wana share abit of my mom. I don't really like talking about her. But I just feel like it now. There's always good and bad in everyone. No one is perfect except God. My mom is one human alright. She can be a little off, but she loves me. It's late and tomorrow I got to go for IPN. I'm wondering what am I doing blogging at this hour.

Well, I just had an arguement about me coming home "late". Well, nowadays... Going home at 1pm is late alright. But, hehe... I came back at 2 on Thursday when and chat with my (church friend Dowan mention name). Chat chat about good stuff <--- about God and our lives. But came back late and kena marah. Argue argue and argue. Slept in my bitterness, wake up next day, next day also argue but less. Then died off. But I felt unsatisfied, winning the arguement will give me a percentage of the satisfaction HONESTLY! But I know, I won't get full satisfaction UNLESS, I apologise and repent before God and my mom. At last, did that this morning. I mean Saturday morning. Felt better, love that feeling. THAT also means I learn a lesson on coming home early. (At least try my best)

I hate rulez. I believe rulez are guidelines, but not something I MUST OBEY NO MATTER WHAT! I always believe there is an exception to rulez. Mainly at home la. :P My mom is a rule base mom. Meaning, she loves rules, she must be ON TIME. <--- I learn that from her. She loves to stick by the rulez. YES! You're right, she IS Super discipline. Hard working discribes her, discipline is her personality and she master's in routine. I'm probably the total opposite. :D She works a few jobs to pay for my college diploma course, feed me, clothe me, provide a roof for me, plus she sometimes got to tolerate my stupid mouth that can go really out of hand (I won't go further). Sometimes I think, what an ungrateful son I am. Words will fail to discribe my naughtiness and my mom's long-suffering, perseverence, faith, love and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ who is our Father. He is Jehovah Jireh our provider. My source of strength, and I believe my mom's source of strength.

I love my mom. Just that I seldom tell her that. Some times I just think and say the opposite. But darn! I can't run away from that fact that deep down inside I.... do, love her. I hate saying that I love her. Makes me sound so gay. Eekkk... So geli la... I don't care. Therefore I say more until I jelak and not geli anymore, I love my mother, I love mom, I love mummy. Argh... Geli! I shall stop.

I just can't express, how great, how strong, how loving, how forgiving, and how grateful and especially how Important she is to me in my life. Sigh... I wana be a better son. God help me. Lighten her burden by me being more like You and less like myself. I love You God, I thank you for mom. I just wana appreciate her infront of all my friends and family and You. And I also wana give my final and most appreciation to You Father, for giving me my mom and being with my family. Thanks!

Proverbs for me & maybe you :)

2005-06-12T00:45:00.000+08:00

The fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom proverbs 1:7
(All scripture are from NIV, other versions are those specially noted e.g. NKJV)
My question is, what is the fear of the lord?

"To fear the Lord is to hate evil; Proverbs 8:13" Oh... Proverbs is just full of wise words by King Soloman; David's son. But the irony of it is Soloman, a man so wise. No one on earth was wiser than he is. YET, ended up being a foolish man that follow the ways of the world. And he himself not taking heed to wisdom.

AT LAST! I found it! I didn't wana sleep until I find it. I knew it was in proverbs.
Proverbs 10:19 NIV: When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
NKJV: In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.

I guess that's for me. :P

There's a verse I yet to find, where it says something like out of a man's words he sins or something like he sins after he says something. Fruit of the mouth or argh... forgot. I will find it... asap.

This is some good stuff: Prov 10:31 The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out. 32. The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.

Proverbs is just so full of wisdom. wow! It amazes me all the time.

Life as a "Christian"

2005-06-07T17:55:00.000+08:00

I told God, "Lord, help me worship You in everything I do, not only in "times of worship" in church." That basically means being a good example of Christ to people 'out there' and in church. Everything I do reflects God my maker. The way I spend my money, time, skipping college and asking people to take attendance for me is one way to dishonor God's name. (repent, repent, just did that today) :'(

Currently I feel sick and tired. I think I slept too much alrd today. (sigh) I believe God wants to do something in my life. God wants to do something for our youth in CLGC. It's only for us to take hold of what He has planned and live it out. The ball is in our court now. What are we doing about it? Are we going to live life the same? Are we not going to change for the better? Are we just going to say let God change us while we just sit back and relax? Are we going to go all out and do do do do everything that we think should be done? It all comes down to a balance between doing something and having the heart then only do. (I dunno what does it got to do with me being sick :P ) I hate feeling sick. Cough and tiredness kills me by the second.

My conclusion is, life as a christian is HARD and never easy. What I have to do in the tough times is to find God there and to find rest in Him only then I can really rest. So many things I know but the knowledge just doesn't come out in action. Have you experience what I'm saying here?? My head is full of knowledge that is where I when wrong. The knowledge hasn't come down to the heart. The problem with "long time" christian is that they know so many stuff in their heads. Like me... Arghh... I'm feeling really lousy today. Don't know why. Sigh...

So many things to do, KLTI work, college assignments, study, honestly - spend time with God. Spending time with God also require something of me. If I'm honest enough, I know that some times, is not that I want to spend time with God, more like I must for some occasions/reasons. Some times I force myself to pick up the Bible and read or worship Him. I must discipline myself in this manner. If you tell me, I need to have the heart if not you spend time with God with the wrong attitude also no point, is in vain, or Joshua, you can't keep on doing things, must not force or push or conjure something up. Well, honestly, if I'm conjuring or making something up myself, just slap me on the face really hard. I NEVER I HATE actually to conjure or to make something up or hype people up to do something or anything like that. And this is how I discipline myself, although I don't feel like doing something, I do it first, then after some time it God might give me a heart for it while I'm doing I ask God for the heart to do something. Some times I get it wrong, sometimes I might conjure or hype up something without me noticing also. That's why, I need you friends to slap me out of it if I'm doing so. :) Because I HATE and DISPISE conjuring something up that is not of God to hype or to make people feel better or feel bad that's why I need help on keeping me in check or in the look out for me if I do something like that. Thanks for your help!

Feeling lousy dunno why. Sleep too much? Eat to little? Sick? Dunno la. sigh...

Church Camp for me!

2005-05-23T19:46:00.000+08:00

If there was one sentence to discribe church camp this year 2005 would be, It was a great, wonderful, eventful time with God and one another.

Worship

It was a beautiful time of worship with no drums and minimal instruments and even no instruments at all. I believe our church is growing and coming back to rebuild our foundations and values once again. Certain things that should be kept and certain things to throw away. We can't hold on to the things that "Just wouldn't work" anymore.

Word

Malcom Du Plesis was a wonderful, HONEST, REAL, and full of humility and vulnerable pastor/preacher/musician or whatever. He talked about not having an offensive heart. And the phrase that got me was When someone offends me, and I take offence, is like I'm offended by God. Because all offence that will come our way have been approved by God. Another thing is that Jesus was the rock of offence. WHAT??? GoD? Offending us? YES! Not to go into that so much. But, yes Jesus had offended many people in His life time on earth. Do not have an unforgiving heart. Do not be judgemental, proud, unforgiving etc. Instead be humble, full of compassion and mercy and grace. Just as God forgave us, we ought to forgive others and release forgiveness not harbour bitterness inside.

Points (not much though)
-Holding on to offence is a symptom of a hard heart.
-When the pressure comes, then I will really realize or know, who exactly I am inside me.
-Forgiveness comes from a tender heart.
-Judgemental comes sometimes when I put unrealistic standard on someone else then someone fall short then I get offended.
-Mercy - Loads of grace and feels undeserving of anything.
-Our reflex to and offence is what is really in us. (Wow, really ah?) Probably true I think.

Fun and Games

Wow! People actually are brave enough to dance when they open the dance floor to everyone. It was cool watching people just dancing in the moon light. Costumes and wonderful moves flashed every where on the dance floor by the pool side. It was a beautiful sight. I was in the Orange team. We got first prize and some of us were extra happy because the past few years they have been in teams that were losing only now we won. Great team effort and lovely dance thanks to Uncle Chan Wai and team.

Water Baptism!

Cool! A number of 6 people got baptize in camp in the swimming pool there. They were Marianne, Nathalie, Eileen, Woei Haur, Gee, and his wife. Happy to see them dedicating their lives to God as an act of worship unto Him by being baptize.

Revelations

1. I can't imagine the God of the universe that is SO THE ULTIMATE HOLY, would use inperfect, weak, and full of flaws people like ME to carry His presence and to be His dwelling place. (Illustration of the tabernacle where God dwell now actually is US!! What? It's super holy and sacret now it's inside us, normal people)

2. In my weakness, moods, up's and down's, GLORIFY HIS NAME! In all circumstances. (And whatever the future brings, glorify Thy name. In whatever earthly state, glorify Thy name)

3. I was acting like was making burnt offerings to God, then I saw this vision of me offering burnt offerings to God. Then I look closer to the offering, scary enough I saw myself there, being sacrificed. *Sket sket really* Then I when to Margaret and told her that, and she paused for a while then told me about burnt offerings. It must be kept burning 24-7. Twice a day, they will sacrifice the ram (or whatever animal forgot alrd) and it must be kept burning non-stop. Wow! Great revelation comes with great duty. LOL...

Thank You God... For everything!

Hurts and Offences "Part of growing UP!"

2005-05-11T14:17:00.000+08:00

Getting hurt is part of life. Getting offended or picking up offence is so human. Choosing not to pick up an offence is easier said than done. Especially when you don't like a person, you get offended easier from what he/she says.

Submitting our tongue and lips to God and our whole body to Him and living in His grace which is sufficient for us is the way to live. Then we can guard our lips and tongue (words that we speak) with His help. YES, takes a whole lot of self-control and patience and love and humility to not be offended and to say sorry sometimes when I have done wrong rather than to quarrel back and to fight my point or to justify myself.

AARRGGGHHH!!! EVERYTHING INSIDE IS CRYING OUT TO ME SAYING "I SHOULD JUSTIFY MYSELF AND FIGHT BACK AND TO ARGUE MY POINT AND TO "WIN" AN ARGUEMENT OR CONVERSATION OR DISAGREEMENT!!! It's so darn hard to control the tongue. What James said is so true.

James 3:7,8 - All kinds or animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

Some times I wonder, what better (Best) advice can I get from people or from myself, than the words of Christ from the bible. I can speak a million wise words, even then, His one word is more precious and meaningful to me.

You are God in heaven,
And here I am on earth,
So I'll let my words be few,
Jesus I am so in love with You

And I'll stand in awe of You,
Jesus I am so in love with You.

Trust in God / God's valuable teachings to me

2005-05-06T14:13:00.000+08:00

WAaords of WizdoEm frOom a maaAn!

Was talking to Reuben on Friday morning like around 8:30am. Chit chat... Then it came about when I share about my problems and my happiness in hearing God and the signs He's showing me.
He told me saying "don't come to the point when you look for the signs so much and when the signs or when He doesn't speak, you beat yourself up or think that you're not spiritual", and another word of wisdom from him saying "Trust in God not trust in the signs and don't get too familiar with His voice and take it forgranted". Thank God for speaking to me through people. I shouldn't worry so much.

God's valuable teachings to me!

Joshua, you are not indespensable. I can raise up anyone to take your position as a worship leader, as a musician, as what ever I'm doing or been doing. You ARE despensable. Therefore always be humble and teachable in My eyes and in my people's eyes. Do not bring shame to My name. Instead glorify My name. Be obedient, 1 Samuel 15:22 "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of 'dinivation' (witchcraft in NKJV) and arrogance like the evil of idolatry."
Obey me, it's either Me or Dota. You choose! Do NOT rebel against Me, don't push Me away when I wana talk to you about you and your Dota. And do not be proudful of yourself in whatever that you do. So what if your so good in Dota? Will Dota help you? Will Dota satisfy you MORE than Me? Do not idolize anything. Be it your guitar, dota, people, or anything.
Seek Me first, worship Me despite your circumstances. You know why...

Honesty Kills Ego and Humble's a Boy

2005-04-27T18:17:00.000+08:00

I am suppose to fast DOTA for 2 months. Let me get straight to the point. I failed today. I when out with my friend for lunch and we when and play DOTA today! The day that I'll be seeing my friends and family in church for KLTI. THIS IS THE day that I forgot about KLTI and played DOTA all evening to night (Last weekmy mom when for camp so took opportunity and when out DOTA all night until forgot about KLTI). Exact day! This time, I remembered about KLTI. Came back home "early" to finish up my home work which I haven't touched at all.

I normally like to share and be honest by typing it out. Well, if you ask me to share 1 on 1 is harder than typing out. But, to those who know me, any where, any time, I'll just try my best to be honest and sincere with everyone.

I just want to be accountable and apologize to Eddy and Kenneth for actually "breaking the rule" of our fast. I'm sorry. I will continue to fast. My self-control died some where near college. Yes! I when horrus today and played for 3 hours and 5 minutes or so. I've sinned. My pledge to fast, my pledge to my friends, and to my mom. I'm not a good boy. I'm a sinner. I wonder some times, why people find it so easy NOT to be addicted in these kind of cyber games? Why some people are just NOT interested?

There's this saying I think James created. Some babies are born with text books in their hands, some with musical instrument, but for me and him, we're born with a joystick in our hands. XD Well, I got to admit it I love any kind of games. It's fun! And I can say I'm pretty good at it. BUT not at other things like studies, or great music, etc.

Once again, coming before God to ask for forgiveness and repentance. *sigh* >.<" Busted again!

Jesus vs DOTA & Life

2005-04-25T19:52:00.000+08:00

Never before I felt this way. I thought I could just push it aside and close my ears and heart when God talks about that. As His voice starts to fade, I became more and more fearful. I thought it would be so nice to have no one nagging at me when I play. The fact is, I was extremely wrong. Bro when to Pinang for work. Left me and my mom.

Bored? Why not get online and play? Anything else to do? Nah, nothing really satisfies you except me. You know that. You can do your KLTI homework OR NOT. Since you played me until you forgot about KLTI. Remember??? That day? That Wednesday. Isn't very long ago. When Paulina texted you asking whether you're coming for KLTI or not. What were you doing? Aha! You know that I'm first place. You KNOW THAT! You know that Jesus has to wait while you play me. You know how hurt He must have felt. Argh! Lets put that aside and just watch some porn and masturbate or something man. Relax, no worries. You've sinned before. Tell, you what. You just continue to sin, and one shot ask for forgiveness for all. Nevermind you're never too late to do that.

WRONG!! NO!! TOTALLY BULL SHIT!! You're a LIAR! You're NOT helping me. You're full of deceit and lies! Get away from me! I WILL NOT WORSHIP ANY OTHER GOD BESIDES HIM! You know that! YOU OF ALL PPL KNOW THAT! I will never serve you or give myself to you! NEVER! Even if I don't "feel" satisfied. I know and I know deep inside, He is pleased with me when I choose not to play and worship YOU!

Yes, it's true. I don't really know Him well. Yes, it's true I can't hear Him some times. I'm not ashame to tell you that I don't know how to really love Him. YES, I'm noob in Christ. So what?? A noob in Christ is a million times better than a Pro in DOTA! YES! I AM SUFFERING NOW. Not playing. YES, it's SO HARD FOR ME! But you know what? Call me foolish or stupid or dumb. But even if after this, I become so Noob In Dota or I don't play dota anymore. I know I didn't rugi a thing. Even if after this, I have more problems or more troubles or more stress. I know one thing that will sustain me. And it isn't you! It's Him, you know who I'm talking about.

Jesus, I know and I know and I know you spoke or tried to speak to me a million times alrd about this issue. Jesus, I know that You don't like me selling myself to something or indulging or worshipping some thing/one else besides You. It's what You said right? Jesus I want to know you more. I want to know what breaks Your heart and what makes You happy. Daddy, I need You! I cannot live without You. Who else can take care of me besides You? Who else can care as much as You Daddy? Who??

I'm sad and I'm sorry Lord for disobeying You and pushing You aside when You try to correct me and lead me back to the right way of living life. Why others life so easy and wonderful? Why they have Father and why You have to seperate mine from me? Not fair! You know our state. Do You intent to teach us to trust and depend on You? You said that if You can take care of the bird in the air and the "lalang on the ground" what more me, Your child. I'm living by that Father. I don't have to strive to prove myself or to be some one else. I don't have to strive and cut myself or do anything to gain or earn Your love for me. I don't have to strive to make people love me or to be lovable. I don't. I just know You love me just the way You created me to be, in other words, just the way I am. But I know I'm not suppose to use that phrase as an excuse "You love me for who I am" to continue doing bad things.

Thank You O Lord for teaching me that I'm dispensable. You kept on reminding me that I'm just Your vessel that You can use. I know that You can take my "possitions" away or whatever I'm doing and raise another to take over what I've been doing be it in church or in people's lives. Let me never be proud of myself, because I know that You made me. And I should be proud of You, the Maker of all things. Let my heart be tender and soft and loving towards You and to the people around me always. Change me O Lord. I desperately want to change. In to some kind of Love monster that will love You so much and love people the same as how I love myself. Teach me then O Lord to love myself. Let me always be humble and teachable in Your sight. Lead my not into temptations Lord. But instead deliver me from the evil. Thank You Jesus for mum. I just want to appreciate her infront of You and all people. Thank You for her life. Thank You for placing her in my life that I can be here and to be who I am today. Thank You also for dad. I've learn much from Him. And felt loved by Him too. Thank You for the times he's around with me and ko ko Meng and mum. I really appreciate the times together Lord. Lord if it's Your will. I pray that You'll bring Him back to You, and to the family. We would love for dad to return Lord. And thank You also for Ko ko Meng. Thank You for all that he has done to help me. And I learn so much from him. Thank You lord for all my talents and gifts. It all came from You. You're so great!

Let me always come to You as a child. Let me not be complicated and complacent. Always teach me O Teacher Your ways and Your words. Give me wisdom. Give me Your eyes to see people the way You see them Lord. Give me Your ears to hear the cry of the broken hearted and the needy and the widows and the orphans and the hungry and the lame and the weak. Give me Your mouth to speak what You want me to speak and to shut up when You say don't speak. Give me a heart that loves You and the world.

Amen

Sign: An orphan that You took back to Your home to be one of Your children.
Joshua Tong Whye Loon. :)

My picture leh...

2005-02-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

My picture
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New Beginning

2005-02-01T01:22:00.000+08:00

It's a new beginning for me. New experience new pimples new revelations. A new beginning for me trying to be a good boy. XD Well, starting to read newspaper and write blog. Hope my Englanish Emproved. :P Praying that God will teach me to be a person of His presence. Living a life that hate sin and love God. Isn't really easy. Sinning is too easy but choosing not to sin by God's grace and knowing that He can help me find a way out of any kind of hard situations is rewarding. ^^
I feel bad every time going back to Him and ask for forgiveness but then again. Knowing that He is just there and because of Jesus I can petition to Him and my sins will be forgiven. (Although there will be consiquences of course.) Been reading the books of 1st John 2nd John and 3rd John. Is really refreshing and relates to me. Action base and straight forward. It's a good reminder and also convictor.

Well, today is mid-term exam day. What am I doing here blogging when my exam is like in 12 hours time?? XD Well, I think I'm quite prepared for this one. First time I'm actually putting a good ammount of efford to study and even high-light notes and write extra notes beside. Wow! So proud of myself. Well, not to forget my friends who are in Sri Lanka. Desmond, Sean I, Steven, Janelle and Kay X. Pray that they will come back in one piece and hope that everything is fine there. They will be back soon. Sunday, if I remember correctly.

Well, I have to wake up at 6:45am and I have a presentation to do at 8am or so. Then have an exam at 1pm. Hmmm... Short semesters aren't that good all the time. But the "syok" thing about it is the time table is super duper relaxing. :P I don't really enjoy college but I think it's fine. It's easier to study here in college I think. Everything in English and they prepare notes for you.

I think I'm going to take a bath and ZzzzZzzZZ soon. Well, will post more some other time. Nights to myself.

P.s. Forgive me for my bad spelling at times. XD

-n-

Josh's First Story

2005-01-31T17:04:00.000+08:00

Friday, January 28, 2005

Currently Reading
The Holy Bible Containing the Old and New Testaments: King James Version, Black Imitation Leather
By Not Applicable (Na )
see related

Well, my first time "playing" this blog thingi. Just thought I would like write down some stuff that I might just wana look back and say. "Awww... Look how dumb I was back then". XD Well, the theme for the day is. Never say never!!... I got that from the Timon and Pumba show I think. +_+" But well, welcome to my blog. Kekeke...

P.S. Reading it coz got to do some Q&A session tmr. Hang on, it's today. Ya, for my youth church. 1st John, 2nd John and 3rd John. Aiks! Wonder how to put my picture here. :P

1:27 PM